Monday, July 30, 2007

Stop fighting in the relationship

We all have quarrels and such. We say things that are harsh, hurtful and degrading to our partners. If you're married this can be due to lots of outside forces that contribute to it. Work, bills, kids and so on. Singles that fight is normally due to insecurities of loosing the partner, to possibly betrayal or cheating. Many a times it's best to get out of those relationships either because it will lead to painful break ups or divorce in the future.

How then can someone make things better. First of all you got to search inside yourself to see if you got a mature level head on your shoulders. You got to ask yourself if marriage is the path that you want right now. When searching for a partner you must have the mindset of searching for love. You also got to be ready to share your love. The main thing is your intentions.

Is your intention set upon marriage, kids, family or are you also not sure what you want? When meeting someone you got to remember that the person surely must have had other people in their lives before and you are not the first. It is highly unlikely, but not impossible, that he/she is not a virgin and may have been with several people before. This generation seems to find it easy to do these things compared to older ones. It's like a normal acceptance. So don't complain and be restrictive to the other one because you got to remember that they had a life before you came along.

Surely they must have friends, family and colleagues that they go out with. Even people that may have slept with that are still friends. Remember that if both are positive and compatable in sorting out these insecurities, only then can there be a healthy and happy relationship.

Be it single or married, what are things that can be done?

Stop Blaming
While we are engaged in pointing a finger, and making the other feel guilty, we cannot see what is really going on. Blame is a way to keep the fight alive. take a vacation from blame for a day. Instead of thinking of all the ways the person has hurt you, keep your eyes open to watch how you may be stoking the fires. Focus upon what the person has done for you, instead, the ways in which they have been kind.

Realize the price you are paying for these fights unless we truly realize the terribly toll fighting is taking on us, we will continue it automatically. Take note of the consequences each fight brings, what it is doing to your body, mind and spirit. Then ask, do I truly want this? Haven’t I suffered enough? Why not stop it today?

Search for happiness
Choose to be happy rather than right. This is the time to expand your view. Define success as being happy rather than being right. Learn other tools and techniques which will not escalate anger and make a positive relationship possible. work out difference way before the commitment of marriage. If you're not ready, what make you think you're partner is?

Self worth
Build a strong sense of self worth. The best defense against anger is feeling good about yourself. Build it and treat yourself beautifully and treat your partner beautifully as well. Let go of all that opposes this. Don't hold on to any grudges, pain, anger, suppression and so on because bottled up emotions will eventually explode to mega destructive forces.

As we have the courage to let go of anger, not only does our health improve, but soon we notice many kinds of wonderful, new people and experiences entering our lives. We attract what we focus upon. When we focus upon well-being, forgiveness and love, that is what will fill our lives. Other people will seek your wisdom and help. This will give you and your partner even greater experience and appreciation that you are not in that situation.

Bar advice. Fighting is an emotion control that is not controlled. We have to make a change in ourselves to get the other to do the same. It get you nowhere but sorrow.

Sunday, July 29, 2007


We work hard all week. Sundays seem to make us feel relaxed. It's just a psychological triggered reaction to the "rest day" of the week. It just make us lazy a little, sleepy sometimes or with others it's chirpy. We have a double quick step. We get up to go play golf. Maybe squash, yoga, rock climbing or some other sport.

The main thing is that it's our day. Most people of the working class stiffs are doing long hours at work or back breaking jobs. They are the ones that are most appreciative of Sunday. We all wish that money was not a problem and if it wasn't then everyday would feel like Sunday. Come to think of it, everyday would be Christmas.

Waking up on Sundays for families can be fun and full of excitement especially for kids. They either want to go out to the park or movie. Maybe breakfast at McDonalds. For kids it's not so much that they get to go somewhere but that they're going with you. You're not home most of the time and kids just want to spend time with their parents. It may feel like a drag sometimes because you just finished six days of work but most people are fulfilled by the happy faces of their kids.

If you're single it's a time to share with friends or the current love of your life. Lots of people just like to go out for something to eat or have coffee together. Maybe ice cream or stroll on the beach. Sundays are just a little less rushed or planned. Single people that aren't dating still find it a happier day to go shopping or meet up with friends because they just had a full week trying to impress their boss, colleagues or even a girl/guy that they like. All the formalities seem to go out the window on the "rest day".

Married people that haven't got any children yet find that they don't even need to go out of the house to enjoy it. They rather be at home, watch TV, do gardening, reading and maybe a bit of housework that needs attention. Lots of times they may have a barbecue or gathering of family over for a meal. Mostly though, they rather spend time having a lazy Sunday afternoon with each other just talking. At night they may have a meal, share a bottle of wine and watch a movie together all snuggled up with each other. Romantic gesture is never far away at this point of time.

Bar advice. Whatever the case may be, we all must agree that we look forward to Sundays. Even if you do nothing, you love that it comes around every week.


Friday, July 27, 2007

Gorgeous women in professional jobs

The other day I was at the bar working and it was a bit of a slow day. Not too many people due to the bad weather. Suddenly two women came in. You could tell that they were in some professional job because of the way that they were dressed.

Between the two, one really stood out. Keli(not real name). I'll tell you how I got her name later. I was all too eager to serve her but the friend seemed to want me to take the order quickly and leave. My senses started tingling that something wasn't quite right. She had this great smile and a gorgeous body that was basically popping out of the blouse that she wore. It was one of those that had buttons in the middle. Way too tight and visually easy to see her bra between all the holes from button to button that it was making because it was that tight. Not forgetting that she had nice sized breast as well. Pants she wore bad her ass stand out as she walked in her stiletto heeled shoes. What a sight.

The day seemed gloomy before but was brightened up with this vixen. A real fox. She actually caught me looking at her from the bar area. When I moved forward to help some other guest next to her I knew that she again saw me looking at her but she didn't look. Instead she looked at her friend in the same direction that I was standing but not looking directly at me. The strategies we play. I was fine with it because I knew nothing about her. It just seemed to me that it was odd that the other girl was not interested. She also made Keli sit facing away from a bunch of boys that were sitting across them. Then it hit me.

Could he friend be a lesbian. I don't know for sure but the tell tale signs seem to indicate so. Anyway, Keli eventually walk toward the toilet which was near the bar where I was. She stopped to say that they liked the place and would be back. I admired her direct approach. When she came out, I called her back just before she could walk back. Why?

Here's a lesson for men to learn. Well a woman wouldn't stop there again. If she did it would look like she was too easy or sorts. Women want to be chased. In this day and age it's alright to approach the man but somehow she will retreat to old methods because it's the modest thing to do. If a guy in my situation did nothing, it would have been all over. If she went back to her seat without me talking some more then it would have come to a complete full stop. I talked to her the moment she got out because it was the fastest way for continued conversation and it was without her friend present. Talking to one is difficult enough. Don't you think? It may the only shot you can get. One must be confident, friendly and make it inviting for her.

I found out that they are lawyers working in the city area but were on a break after some research. Gorgeous women in professional jobs are seen in many places but that one blew me away. I was thinking that she was in the hospitality line or something. Was I wrong. It actually made me like her more. I sensed intellect from her that I could connect to. Sometimes professional women bring out the maturity of men that they don't know about. Most guys would not know what to say. I ended up getting her email and phone number. When she went back to her seat I messaged her.

It wasn't because I didn't believe she gave me the number but I just wanted to flirt a little. When her friend started stepping in, it all went down hill from there. I have no idea what the other one said after several messages that we exchanged but I didn't seem to connect with her again after that. It just goes to show that some of the things I wrote before in this blog really is true. Others can sometimes make things complicated especially if they're not interested or they're not the interested one by others. Possibly the other party also has their own hidden agenda.

Eventually they left but I am suppose to email her soon and I will message her phone again to tell her when I have done that just to get a reaction. Hopefully it's better then just a courtesy "hello". I hope that she comes back to the bar again but without a distracting buddy.

Bar advice. When others try to make you out to be bad or weird. Don't act differently. It's up to the individual to assess if they are right about you.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Releasing destructive feelings

There are three ways to approach the process of releasing. Liberating your natural ability to let go of any unwanted emotion on the spot and allowing some of the suppressed energy in your subconscious to dissipate. The first way is by choosing to let go of the unwanted feeling. The second way is to welcome the feeling, to allow the emotion just to be. The third way is to dive into the core of the emotion.

If you carried a heavy object in your hand after a while it would start to hurt. There would be some measure of pain and discomfort yet familiar. Just imagine that your hand is your subconscious. Now look at your hand. See that it is not attached to the object. The way to easy the pain is to let go. Why then can you not do this with destructive feelings? It's easy but somehow we forget that we can do this. It gets built up accidentally in us after years.

If you can master the process of releasing, you will discover that even your deepest feelings are just on the surface. At the core you are empty, silent, and at peace, not in the pain and darkness that most of us would assume. In fact, even our most extreme feelings have only as much substance as a soap bubble. You know what happens when you poke your finger into a soap bubble, it pops. That’s exactly what happens when you dive into the core of a feeling.

Releasing will help you to free yourself from all of your unwanted patterns of behavior, thought, and feeling. All that is required from you is being as open as you can to the process. Releasing will free you to access clearer thinking, and yet it is not a thinking process. Although it will help you to access heightened creativity, you don’t need to be particularly creative to be effective at doing it.

You will get the most out of the process of releasing the more you allow yourself to see, hear, and feel it working, rather than by thinking about how and why it works. Lead, as best you can, with your heart, not your head. If you find yourself getting a little stuck in trying to figure it out, don't. stop for a while and relax with several breaths. Change your mind set to the problem. Shake it off, as Mariah Carey sang, and regain your composure. Guaranteed, as you work with this process, you will understand it more fully by having the direct experience of doing it. Changes will start to take place and you will manoeuvre your life path differently.

Bar advice. It takes some practice. Meditation of whatever means can add to the release of unwanted forces of energy. You'll feel healthier as well.

People today

Relationships between most people today are characterized by cautious coldness and impersonality.

If you walk up to a stranger on the street, they'll often meet your advance with suspicion. After all, they believe, why else would you try to make a connection to a total stranger unless you wanted to sell something or wanted something from them?

At work, people generally don't smile unless the boss is looking over their shoulder, wishing they could be somewhere else doing something else. Many times the only smile of a friendly person you'll see is that of the salesman, specifically trained to smile at you to make the next sale.

Studies have shown that when people have a lot of positive life events and warm interactions with friendly people, they themselves become more extroverted, which in turn makes them even happier. Other studies show that when people are in a positive mood they have a less cautious social style, and meet even more people.

All the research suggests that we don't want a place where most people are hostile, shrewd, and self-centered. We don't want a place where most people are cold, impersonal, and only keep to themselves. So ideally, we want to live in place where people are generous, socially outgoing, receptive to others, and generally in a good
mood and are considerate.

Of course this place is never never land. It's just not real. People in their human nature spoil it for others. We live in a world where we have to make do with our situations, lives and happiness. Most people are out to look after themselves. "It's every man for himself", the saying when we are in desperation. That phrase seems to be tatooed on all our forheads.

Bar advice. If you want to change things. Make a DECISION in your life. Stick with it and don't let others influence you in this world. It can be a better place.


A Poem for computer users over 30

A computer was something on TV
From a science fiction show of note
A window was something you hated to clean
And ram was the cousin of a goat.

Meg was the name of my girlfriend
And gig was a job for the nights
Now they all mean different things
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment
A program was a TV show
A cursor used profanity
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age
A CD was a bank account
And if you had a 3.5-inch floppy
You hoped nobody found out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage
Not something you did to a file
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire
Hard drive was a long trip on the road
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife
Paste you did with glue
A web was a spider's home
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pae and paper
And the memory in my head
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash
But when it happens they wish they were dead.

--Author Unknown

Bar advice. A bit of humour to stimulate more blogging on the Internet. Wonder what we would be doing with our lives if we weren't clicking...hmmmm

The Lesbian issue Part 1

If all of you have been reading the blog then you can see that I have not really touched on the gay issue, be it men or women. Lesbians is the issue, as people keep seeing it all over, and it's a blur for guys in many ways. I will get to gay men another time.

Basically it comes down to the fact that in the old days lesbians hid the fact that they were such. Same as men. Some probably didn't understand why they were behaving like that or had thoughts of other women in a sexual way. Nowadays it is more upfront and a lot of younger women are able to understand themselves better. They see it more commonly on MTV, movies, books and other media formats and they also find that it's widely accepted now.

One startling point to make is that a lot of women are having this psychological, if not biological issue, and it's unclear to them how to react or behave in front of parents, friends, colleagues or the public. They live with constraint of deep emotional and a physical prison that lacks compassion from the world surrounding them. With modern tools like the Internet, chat rooms, adult friendfinders and so on, they can find others in the same situation as themselves and there they can also seek out others as friends and lovers whom they believe understands them.

My issue is the fact that in this modern day and age, a lot of guys seeking for a potential mate, wife, girlfriend and such is left wondering if she's straight or not. It's bad enough that most countries are facing a shortage in birth rates and marriages and high increase in divorce, what's the average male to do? He too searches on the Internet site and such because it's so hard at times to seek out a female that wants to be partnered. The fact that some women are bi-sexual is also a contributing factor because a lot of guys won't want to have anybody, male or female, share his love interest.

Going to a bar or club and you spot a girl. She looks fine. You see no other man around. You start to walk over. Her friend spots you coming so she walks up to her and gives her a kiss. You drift off to the side and play like you weren't going up to her to hide your embarrassment. Is this almost a familiar site that we can see all over. Sometimes a guy makes it into conversation with the girl only to be told that she's not interested because she's more into other women. Even Internet sites tell guys to stay away as it's for lesbian women only.

Another sad dilemma for guys is when a lesbian is trying to lure a straight girl, just like a guy who likes a girl, convinces her that all men are dogs and only other women can understand another woman better and that includes matters of the heart and all aspects of sexual pleasure. Lots of these women are keen on getting younger women because the younger ones are more prone to accepting them if they have been hurt or cheated by a man. A lot of the butch types like to act like they are men as well and often dress in a manly way, spotting short hairdos and pants or jeans. They also try to talk and act like male, often swearing and drinking excessively.

Lesbian that are more female orientated can also be extremely beautiful. She may make lots of men's heads turn as she walks by but she herself will only look at the women that look at her. She is also the type that will 'poison' another girls mind about men. This could take place in a bar, club, at work, over the phone and so on. Her intention is to get the girl that she desires but not try to show everyone that she is a lesbian. Her fear of others looking at her in this manner makes her feel uncomfortable. This especially includes family and people at work. If she engages another girl at work she will tread very lightly for fear that if there is rejection she will be exposed. Most of the time the pursuit is far from known persons.

What is a man to do knowing that he is now limited to a lesser amount of straight women? Nowadays it's hard to know if the girl that you want or currently are dating was bi-curious, experimented a little, was hardcore, just kissed and hugged or gave cunnilingus to another girl. If she became his wife and one day bumped into her ex-lover when you two were together on the street, then what happens? Anything really. What if the guy never knew before?

Sure we all have see porn somhow or somewhere and even I will say that a man can stomach two women 'doing it'. His imagination will get the better of him if he thinks of the two women inviting him into the action but the reality is that stuff is unlikely to happen in reality. Not to boast but I personally have been with two and even three women at the same time but they were not lesbians and never did anything to each other while I was with them. It felt better that I was their interest and not each other. Well that's another story for later.

Women are always out with each other since the dawn of time. It's safer to stick with one another and help out a friend with difficult men. Some just want a listening ear of another female. Guys these days don't know if that's the case or if the women are "into each other". This leaves them to stay back and only approach if signaled by the girl. Even then he keeps an eye out for the other women in case one turns out to be vicious bitch.

The reality is that it gets really hard for men to find women because they don't know the signs of what a lesbian will look like. They don't want to get in their way but simply go about their normal way of attracting women that are straight. It's really hard when you have to compete with other men but it gets even harder knowing that women are also gunning for the same fair maiden.

Bar advice. I don't claim to know a lot about lesbians but I have lots of experience with them and know or have known many.


Monday, July 23, 2007

How to be Irresistible to the Opposite Sex

An extremely practical, warm, and honest manual on courtship in American society. You are guaranteed to learn important things about your sex, and the opposite sex, you've never known, and be reminded of sensible things that you've known but have simply not acted upon. If you're single but wanting to couple, this is a truly great book.

This book is really for the early beginners that need some basic tips to gain ground in the attracting game. Simple things and changes that they can do to help themselves. More seasoned people can find other sources at Amazon if they want to spice it up further.

Bar advice. It's not that you aren't good enough, maybe you just don't know the things that you need to do.

Tips to attract the opposite sex

If you want to know how to attract the opposite sex, read these tips.

The first tip on how to attract the opposite sex is to stand out in a crowd. Being the center of attention will create the illusion that you are worth getting to know. After all, everyone else evidently thinks so, so why shouldn't’t that special she or he as well? If you can’t do or say something to draw a crowd (no, not something weird) then simply stand in the center of the room. It works.

Bars are the exception to this standing in the center rule. Yes, it’s still good to be the center of attention, but for some reason the best place to get noticed in a bar is in the corner. No, not on a timeout facing the wall, or looking like a scared little wallflower but sitting at the end of the bar. Don’t sit at a table. You’re less approachable in a bar when you’re at a table, and someone of the same sex is bound to ask to join you if the bar is crowded.

Color is important in your attempt to attract the opposite sex. Not only can it help you attract the opposite sex but you can also have some control of which of the opposite sex you attract by choosing the colors of your wardrobe.Color consultants have studied color’s effect on the opposite sex and the determination is that most women find men who wear blue the most attractive of those wearing any other color.

Blue conveys a message of stability, constancy, dependability and faithfulness. Of course, the fact that clothes and their colors match that the tie coordinates with that blue suit and the socks aren’t green, helps make a good impression as well.

For women who want to know how to use color to attract the opposite sex, the generally safe color is pink or peach. It makes a woman’s skin glow with a look of health, no matter what her skin tone is.These are the colors that convey soft and vulnerable too, which macho males are attracted to. Other colors can work as well but those are far the best for attraction purposes. Don't go overboard and end up looking like a freak show.

Now, if you want to make sure you don’t convey vulnerability, if you’re strong and you want the man to know it and you want to be sure and find a guy for whom this isn’t a threat, then wear a deep red, plum or burgundy. Red is certainly the most sensual of colors, but it’s also the most powerful too.

The two types of men that red will attract are those attracted to powerful women and those who are interested primarily in sex. With red you might find the man who isn’t threatened by your strength, but you also may have to weed through a lot of horny chaff to finally find him. If you want to find out how not to attract the opposite sex wear yellow or green. They’re sure to stay away in droves.

Ladies should wear a nice light lipstick. Preferably a glossy one as this makes the lips seem more inviting to the guys. Don't use it to the office. You'll look more like a bitch than a boss. It's more of a attraction tool. Guys, remember to wear a good pair of shoes. Women always look there when assessing a man. Men should comb their hair, unless you've got the bald look going, because you will seem neat and fresh looking to her.

When meeting a man/woman, speak with courtesy. Manners play an important part in the way the other person feels about you. It tells them that you were brought up right. Also, be confident. You may only have one shot at that stage. If you blow it then you have only yourself to blame. Think before saying or doing anything.

Bar advice. The best thing that I can say to help you would be to find out more on tips to attract the opposite sex before you go out there and fall fall flat on your face.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Items you need when meeting women

The items you carry can make all the difference in the world when it comes to meeting women. In other words, you have to like a boy scout, and always be prepared. By carrying certain things, you'll find that it's a lot easier to engage women in conversation and impress them.

Here are just a few things you should have on you when you're out meeting women.

A Camera
Having a camera is a great way to capture great moments and show you're having fun with your friends. One trick is to ask an attractive girl nearby to take a picture of you and your friends. Then once she takes the picture, say something funny and initiate a conversation. Please don't go asking if you can take nude shots of her.

A Lighter
Even if you don't smoke, carry a lighter. By having a lighter, you can easily initiate a conversation with a girl if she is a smoker and needs a light. Don't take it out and play with it as some women are put off by smokers so you'll loose out if she's that sort.

Gum and Breath Mints
The quickest way to turn-off a woman is to have bad breath. To prevent this, you should carry an assortment of breath mints and gum. Usually mint flavor gum or Altoids can dramatically improve any body's breath. Drinkers especially need this or if you just had dinner with lots of garlic.

A Pen or Cell Phone
In order to get a girl's number, you should have a device that will help you quickly jot it down. If you don't have anything you'll look like an amateur when you're wandering around asking people if they have a pen. By carrying a cell phone or pen, you can quickly grab a woman's number while maintaining your conversation. If using a pen, you should keep small bits of paper in your wallet as well.

Obviously you know what a condom is used for. Yet many guys make the mistake of not carrying this simple item. In this age of sexually transmitted diseases, it's an absolute must to always have protection. Don't take the risk of disease by not carrying condoms on you. Also she may fear you if you want to risk not using it. By not carrying it you will have to go to a store to buy with her in tow and she may be embarrassed with the storekeeper looking at her. The whole mood will be changed.

Bar advice. It's important to be prepared for the common things that occur when you're meeting women. Carrying these simple items prepares you for any situation.


Is it love or lust at first sight?

Love at first sight. It’s the stuff of fairy tales, of romantic movies and, of course, of a hefty sampling of romance novels but does love at first sight really exist?

It turns out that people make fairly quick decisions about how much they like a person, then naturally put more dedication to expanding the relationships with those they felt an immediate connection to.

So is it Love or Lust?

Of course, those who have fallen hard in “love at first sight” may have later been let down when they realized it wasn’t really love that was fanning the fire, but lust. Love at first sight is often just lust at first site. We crave for a mate so we fool ourselves into the belief that has been placed inside us when we were young. This come from either the movies, stories or people that we heard talking about it.

How can you tell if your newfound love is going to withstand the test of time or, if you’ve already found your long-time love, what advice can you give to the youngsters in your life? By letting go of it. How to do that?

The way to check if it is lust or love is to let go of the feelings. If it is love the feeling will get stronger and more expanded yet quieter. If it is simply lust, when you let go you may start to actually feel the love. Either way, allow yourself to enjoy the ride and follow your heart. It will start to make sense to you when you find that the person you're with leaves a sense of emptiness in your heart when they are not there. Love is strong feeling that can break you down. Lust just feeds into your pleasure systems and you can get it with another person if you wanted. This is the difference between the two.

The feeling of making love with someone that you're "in love with" and someone you may like or just met is worlds apart. There is a feeling of unity and also a "oneness" that cannot be explained. Anyone in this situation can understand this. It is so different yet real. Falling in love or in lust is hard to define unless you've been in love before. Then you can tell the difference.

Bar advice. Take baby steps in the relationship before jumping in the sack to define your relationship status. It will reveal if you're in love with the heart or the body.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Pay it forward- The Secret

If you have seen the movie then you can remember that it takes so little sometimes to make a big change in peoples lives.

The Secret is to change your thoughts, intentions, motives and self to make a change in the lives of others, your surroundings and the world in general. The universe sends back the energy that you place out there. By the laws of attraction, you get more than what is sent out of oneself and what you desire becomes a reality.

Bar advice. What have you done to Pay it Forward? If the cycle starts moving it becomes a better world for all.

Monday, July 16, 2007

Self esteem

The book, written by Matthew McKay, Patrick Fanning, is loaded with useful exercises that illustrate the concept and show you how to apply them to bring about change. However, you really need to do ALL of them faithfully to get results. Many people who approach this work don't want to make that kind of time investment. However, it's a book you must do and not just read to get the results required.

In short, the book looks at examining largely unconscious thoughts and unexamined assumptions about reality. It shows you how to challenge these dysfunctional beliefs and how to use compassion to look more deeply so your psychological defense mechanisms don't get in the way.

This book is for people who are really serious about seeking change. Some sections are dense with concepts and it's really a book you need to engage with in order to reap the benefits. There are lighter versions of this kind of content. However, in my experience it takes a hard push to overcome our past conditioning.

Bar advice. We are all "conditioned" from an early age that when we become adults we are not ready to face the real world and all there is in it.


Give your self esteem a boost

Self esteem is not only important in the long run. It’s necessary to be able to boost your confidence whenever you feel it starting to fade. The good news is that self esteem can be developed in you just as you can learn how to ride a bike and once you have it it’ll be there for good

How can you tell if you have low self-esteem?

• You tend to analyze yourself often.
• You fear adversity and alienated from parents/authority figures in your life.
• You rarely smile and tend to have a negative outlook.
• You feel tired often and rarely set goals for yourself.
• You’d rather be alone than meet new people.
• You have a hard time making friends.
• You don’t make eye contact with others, trouble with trust, intimacy and affection.
• You don’t take risks.
• You create negative effects and may be needy, clingy or even may fake affection.
• You engage in negative self-talk and don’t forgive yourself or others.

Giving your self-esteem a boost, and keeping it boosted for good, is well within your reach. Here are steps you need to get you there:

Let go of negative, doubtful and fearful feelings.

Take care of yourself. Exercise, eat well and tend to your appearance. When you feel good from a physical and aesthetic perspective, you’ll have a much easier time feeling good from a mental perspective as well.

Respect others. Be truthful, fair and open-minded to those around you.

Be positive. Smile often, give compliments to yourself and others, and stop thinking negatively about yourself.

Learn to forgive and forget. This includes forgiving yourself and learning how to take responsibility.

Give thanks. Show gratitude for your life and the people in it.

Go after your goals. Figure out what it is that makes you happy in life, and make it a point to spend lots of time doing it.

Bar advice. Keep away from negative people and places. Open yourself to more positive people to surround you to reach your objectives and goals.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Venus retrograde. Love retrograde.

Poor Venus. Not only is the planet of love and beauty unhappy in nit picky Virgo, but she's retrograde. Fortunately, this happens only once every other year instead of three times a year, as with Mercury. When it does though, you sure feel it in your love life! If you can resist the tendency to criticize each other, you can take advantage of this influence to look frankly and honestly at your relationship. Is it everything you want it to be? Will it last? If you're single, what do you need to change to attract the love you desire?

The main focus, be it Venus retrograde period or not, is the relationship tolerance. If things are not going all that well don't go making things worse. There must be some issues that are below the surface that are not in sync with each other that is causing chaos in your lives.

Whether you follow the stars or astrology readings, it reflects peoples lives on a normal basis. Simply saying, we all have our ups and downs, good and bad and so on. Trouble is, are you in the bad end all the time? Is the relationship smelling sweet like roses and feels like you could live on fresh air or is it down in the dumps wear all the garbage and flies are? It pays to ensure that communication continues throughout the relationship. Just because the honeymoon is over doesn't mean that the loving should stop as well.

If you're single and with a partner, it's best for both to talk about future developments and plans of marriage instead of rushing into it. Discuss the issue of arguments and how both of you will deal with it. Being together means also working together in the relationship. It's never easy. Sometimes there's also external conflicts that pits you and your partner between each other because of family members. Certain ground rules have to be set in place.

If you want less conflict and better understanding, give time and a listening ear to the other person. It makes no sense to fight and be victorious in the battle if only to find that you loose the war of love. Ironically it makes sense and doesn't at the same time. Bottom line is, you can't all be right. Something or someone has to give. Give each other time to have their say then make a decision for one to give in but when the next time comes around, not necessarily right after; the other should be the one to give in.

It's a two way street that you can meet in the middle. Don't let other people come in between your method and wedge a rift between you. Your plan to combat arguments must be firmly set in place so the relationship is honest and the air is cleared with no anger lurking to bite you back later. When a problem is behind you, never bring it up again. Never weaken your bond towards each other.

Lastly, when you are not in a feud, remember your vows. Take yourself back to the words you said and how you felt. Singles can remember their cherished moments together. Write him/her a love note. Buy her some flowers or meet him at work for lunch. Make the conscious effort. It's a union not a competition.

Bar advice. Never go to bed angry, they say. Truth is, your bedroom should always be your sanctuary with each other. Not a battle zone.

Sexualize your relationship

Sometimes, despite all of your efforts to sexualize a woman, when it comes down to the moment of sex, a woman still shuts herself down mentally. Don’t take it personally. Most likely the woman has legitimate concerns that worry her, preventing her from sleeping with you even if she otherwise wants to.

Some women, even if highly sexualized, are extremely worried about the word getting out to their friends or family that they had sex and being labeled a “slut”. Other women are worried about catching a disease or getting pregnant but they don’t want to ask you to wear a condom for fear of being a “slut” or they don’t even think to ask. Some just fear that after you have your way you'll dump her and talk to your friends about her and she'll be out of place and embarrassed when seeing you and your friends again.

sometimes they really like you and they’re afraid that after sleeping with you, you’ll disappear from their lives and hurtful, miserable feelings will surface. They fear that by sleeping with you or take steps to sexualize your relationship, they’ll lose their power over you and they don’t want to give up that leverage. Maybe the girl might be a virgin and is simply scared of the whole unknown experience in general. Although you can’t know specifically what her particular fear is, you can preemptively address and ally her possible fears with some heart to heart talk.

Simply hold her in your arms and tell her that you always wear a condom when making love to a woman so that she trusts she won't catch an STD or get pregnant. Tell her that you look forward to waking up with her tomorrow and that you don’t want her to look back on the experience with any regrets, implying that you won’t think of her as a slut for sleeping with you and that you won’t ditch her the very next day.

Again, you’re doing some “mind reading” in your efforts to sexualize her in the hopes of addressing her particular fears but guess what, it works. A little understanding and addressing a woman's fears is often enough to make her comfortable enough to continue. She needs a little assurance before going all out. That's perfectly normal.

Guys sometimes are too excited and over ambitious to jump in the sack with a woman, even if they did'nt have any ill intentions towards her, that she becomes a little scared. Sure, all guys want to get into her pants the moment they lay eyes on her but the thing is if you're the one that got her, take it slow. Give her room to breath and wait a little for her to make a move to the sexual timing of the relationship. It will happen.

Bar advice. Women want to have sex as well. It's natural. Take a patient and understanding approach to her concerns.

Getting her number

You guys out there are lame sometimes. Getting her number is a skill set all it's own. Most throwaway phone numbers are a result of the man getting the number too fast.

First of all, if you’re at a bar and meet a girl, don’t talk to her for only five minutes and then start getting her number and leave thinking you’re going to score. After all, what’s the point of getting a phone number in the first place. It's to meet up later and continue the seduction, right?

You had her right there at the bar, right then. You could have used that opportunity to build value with her right then. You were on a “date” with her right THEN but you didn't recognize it. So getting her number so that you can meet up with her later, and walking away from the interaction in the moment is totally counterproductive and nonsensical.

Also, if you start getting her number without going through the proper preliminary steps, then yes, the girl might be digging you, but in reality you didn’t have enough social value to her for her to want to start an ongoing, dating relationship with you.

A girl who with a social value of 8 might give her number to you if she perceives you to have a social value of 6 but that doesn’t mean she’ll follow up with you. Getting her numbers is only solid when you both have the same social value. What is this social value I'm talking about? Well, it's basically a persons standard in their relationship, dating, sex, love and self confidence. Where you stand with him or her and your compatibility can pretty much be discovered if you know what to look for. It will be a waste of time if you both are not suited for each other. Break ups can be hurtful. So unless you're just looking for hot sex without strings then aim low.

Guys, building a peak social value of 10 is not easy so work hard to get there. It's not you who should be worried if you're at that peak yet but it's how she sees you that counts. Will she be interested when you meet her or when you ask for her number. As time goes on and you start to develop better interaction skills and seduction methods so just beware of one thing. Don't blow it by thinking that you can get any girl and become a arrogant jack ass. Women will drop you like a stone if they see that sort of behaviour and if word starts getting around that you're like that you will have a hard time repairing the damage.

Developing those skills and nurturing your social value is a personal responsibility. Also, in the company of other guys you will be the dominant, stand out guy there if the rest are lacking. This gives you better chances with the ladies. Women will see it very clearly even if you don't. You'll be amazed that you can get more than a phone number.

Bar advice. When you just meet a girl, stick to a game plan. The last thing on your mind should be sex just because she gave you her phone number.

Friday, July 13, 2007

True happiness

A lovely girl who I recently discovered online and revealed this blog to had asked about true happiness and my stand on it.

What is it and how to get it?(Remember this for later)

The fact that we are even looking for "true happiness" shows that we are lacking in what we don't have in our lives right now. There can be many issues that are leading us to seek for it. Some may be financial. Some depression and feelings of sadness. Others, and more commonly, the lack of a genuine partner and the feeling of being loved. Of courses there's other reasons as well.

If you've ever been in love you have this carefree, over joyous, nothing can go wrong, zest in your everyday life. It's like a volcano exploding inside you heart every time he/she calls, comes over, emails, SMS or whatever else. He/she fills your senses and emotions, including your bang, and you're in ecstasy with pleasure till it suddenly falls apart. Then what?

Out of the blue things just seem to turn around. Everything starts crumbling down on you and it seems that no one will help, let alone listen to your problems. You sob like you lost you family pet. You listen to sentimental songs over and over again. You keep asking God and yourself, why? You try to figure out what went wrong. You start to miss all the good times you had with your partner before. More fucking crying till everyone at home, including friends, stay out of your way for the next three months, and all for what? Your "true happiness" that you were after.

Where is that true happiness going to come from? Firstly, if you're hoping for it to come falling from the sky and knock you on the head, think again. Lot's of us have it preprogrammed into our heads from parents, teachers, family members, social groups and more that true happiness is something tangible or material. It really is what others see it to be and not what we desire. Somewhere down the line, from our childhood up, we were told what "true happiness" is suppose to be. When we grow up and we search for those things, it becomes the illusion that we finally see and the reality of despair from ever finding it becomes all too real.

When we are not attached to anyone, no partner and alone for some time, we firstly imagine the worst. What's going to happen to me. Ladies have the stigma of being called an "old maid" or "left on the shelf" by everyone so they get more upset than guys. Magazine companies make a killing from subscription by women trying to seek advice and topics on these things. They seem to want to find some magic answer that is eluding them because they connect being married, financially stable, children and so on as "true happiness". Talking to friends sometimes doesn't help because their worse off in that department as well or they're still in the sobbing stage themselves.

True happiness can mean different things to different people. Someone making a lot of money everyday in the stock market will say so. My brother flying to another country constantly will say so. Me making love to a gorgeous girl will say "hell yes this is happiness". Even an astronomer looking at the stars everynight will say so even if he sees the same thing daily.

What is my take, she asked? Firstly, as I mentioned earlier, everyone has a take on what true happiness is. What does it matter what mine is? Is mine more so important like how parents and teachers and so forth drilled into everyone that we don't know what it is at all and we try to achieve it only to fail because we didn't really know what it was but following what others told us it was. Does this make sense to you? The fact is we all want "true happiness". Who can give it to you? No one. It has to come from the individual to create it and manifest it into what their heart makes of it and share it with others. Take my bar advice on the matter.

Bar advice. If you ask yourself, what is it and how can you get it(remember above), the answer lies only within yourself. Nobody can give it to you. How do you feel at this moment determines your true happiness now and in the future?

Monday, July 9, 2007

Myths about our "soulmate"

Our soul is our heart. It is full of radiance. Therefore, our soul mate is someone who reflects our heart.

A man's heart is feminine and the woman who is his soul mate reflects his soul. A woman's heart is masculine and the man who is her soul mate reflects her soul. Each one feels the presence of the other inside of them as the very core of who they are. There is a deep recognition of this truth.

The painful truth is that most people have never known this inner radiance. Instead, they cling to the many myths about the soul mate relationship that are simply not true. These false beliefs need to be understood. Here are just a few.

Myth One: Many people believe that they will find their soul simply by looking, wishing, hoping and dreaming.

They feel that somehow this person will come along and make them eternally happy. This is the most naive of all the soul mate myths.

Myth Two: Others tend to rely upon how much they are attracted to another person to determine if they are their soul mate or not. The truth is that our attractions are very deceiving. The myth is that we can trust our feelings of attraction, as if our feelings are a validation of the facts. Further, the attraction you may have for someone could actually be a fatal attraction without you even realizing it. You may think a person is your soul mate, but you could simply be sexually obsessed with them.

Myth Three: Why are so many of us looking for a soul mate when we don't have any capacity for true heart intimacy? Even if our soul mate actually does appear, we become so terrified of giving our heart to them that we run 100 miles in the other direction. The unconscious myth here seems to be that we can find our soul mate without surrendering our heart.

Myth Four: Another myth is that we will recognize our soul mate if we meet them. We fail to realize that if our soul mate reflects our soul, and we are unable to feel our own inner radiance, don't really love our self or know who we are and then we will be unable to recognize him or her. In fact, you could know such a person for years without even recognizing that they are your soul mate.

The fact that this word alone; soulmate, is a distraction to the feeling that we get when finding the real love of another person. We live in a mental state of a fairy tale told by others. Possibly conversations we heard from parents or friends and even television. We place that word with such high regard that when we find someone and he/she doesn't turn out to become the soulmate we envisioned, we loose all hope of ever finding love or someone to care for us.

Bar advice. The connection of two people ready with intention and purpose of love, matrimony and family is what connects us to each other in the spirit of the soul.

America Alone

In this, his first major book, Mark Steyn, probably the most widely read, and wittiest, columnist in the English-speaking world; takes on the great poison of the twenty-first century. The anti Americanism that fuels both Old Europe and radical Islam. America, Steyn argues, will have to stand alone. The world will be divided between America and the rest; and for our sake America had better win.

Then again do they know who they are fighting? Where the countries are? Who is the enemy and who is at their side? It's only the people in government that do but the rest of them have better start learning they are not the "king of the world". Sorry that I have to take it out on the Americans but sometimes people need a wake up call. That doesn't mean that the Brits, Aussies and Europeans are not as daft as well. They live in worlds of their own and think everyone else owes them.

Bar advice. Wake up before it's too late, America. Before you can teach others, learn first and be humble.

Americans are NOT stupid - WITH SUBTITLES

Watch this video on You Tube and find out what it's like to really hear and see what people "know" about other parts of the world. The places, people, countries, landmarks, leaders and even geographically where other places are. Not forgetting that they couldn't even pick out a country starting with the letter "U". Their own.

Bar advice. This is the people of the most powerful nation on the planet. God help us all if they were in the front lines.

Avoid breaking up badly

We all agree it is compassionate to avoid hurting people’s feelings whenever possible. The “whenever possible” clause creates some confusion when ending a relationship, however. This is an inherently painful time for one or both parties.

Many tactics have been used, when breaking up with someone, to attempt sidestepping this inevitable truth. They all fail. Worse yet, avoidance of the plain, honest truth causes more misery then is necessary in these situations. Therefore, avoid being evasive or vague. Be direct while taking responsibility for what you want.

There are no strict rules about how to end a relationship. However, a few tips can help when breaking up with someone.

Don’t be evasive, unclear or vague. Be direct and to the point. This is not an enjoyable matter for either of you. Giving false hope or making your partner guess at what you want prolongs everyone’s misery.

Do not break up in stages. You may think this will make the loss easier. Don’t fall for it. This only serves to administer low, medium and high doses of pain over a longer interval.

Don’t lie or invent a story. Things will not add up and the falsehood will be found out sooner or later, usually sooner. Getting over a break up is hard enough without introducing mistrust. Making someone piece together bits of information while leaving him/her to guess what is true, causes unnecessary pain.

Don’t blame someone or something else for your choices. Identifying and asking for what you want is an important developmental step and is necessary for mature relationships. Also, hiding behind excuses is pretty transparent. It is likely the other person will see what you are doing. Conversely, if he/she actually believes your excuse, the person will try and problem solve how to remove whatever relationship obstacle you’ve fabricated.

Don’t delay ending a relationship. Once you know you want to break up with someone, it does not help if you deny what you feel. Your partner will sense a change, perhaps reaching out for reassurance. This may feel like “neediness” to you which will increase your feelings of being stuck.

It's hard to end a relationship especially if several years have gone by. If you're leaving because of another man/woman then you are doomed to fail in the next one as well. People that break up after trying to find their purpose and intention with their partner and finding out that it isn't working are not deceiving their partner. The effort was put in but it seems that it's not working out and if the partner can see that you were genuine in the relationship and did all that you could, would understand even if it hurts. He/she knows in the heart that it is for the best.

Bar advide. Cry and sob to ease the pain but you know that it was better this way then fooling yourself and things end up worse later in life.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Live Earth. Videos. Madonna's "Hey you"

The official song of Live Earth. Madonna sings "Hey you".

Official Live Earth MTV video release 7/7/07.

Bar advice. A picture paints a thousand words. Watch.

Live Earth. SOS. 7/7/07

Well as I'm writing this the "Live Earth" concert is ongoing. There are concerts from Johannesburg, London, Washington, Tokyo and more. The message that this 24 hour long broadcast is simple but deaf to the ears of people that don't bother about mother earth.

Saving the planet. Usage of fossil fuels, green house gas emissions, industrialization and general daily but subtle changes can make a huge difference in the reduction of global warming. For the first time in history more then 150 artist have come together to share their time and energy to help in getting this message across to people and governments.

The partnerships of MSN, The alliance of climate protection, The climate croup, I count, Control room, National geographic, WWF, AISO, Earthlab foundation and many more sponsors have pulled this off. A monumental undertaking that will be recorded in the history but that all wont mean a thing if the message doesn't get through to people.

Former U.S. Vice President Al Gore is the Chair of the Alliance and Partner of Live Earth. Live Earth was founded by Kevin Wall, the Worldwide Executive Producer of Live 8, an event that brought together one of the largest audiences in history to combat poverty. Wall formed a partnership with Al Gore and the Alliance for Climate Protection to ensure that Live Earth inspires behavioral changes long after 7/7/07.

The mission of the SOS campaign is to empower individuals to change their consumer behaviors and motivate corporations and political leaders to enact decisive measures to combat the climate crisis. The message of SOS is that everyone, everywhere can and must "Answer the Call" to solve the climate crisis. The SOS campaign's identity and language is based on the international Morse code distress call: three dots, followed by three dashes, followed by three dots.(..._ _ _ ...) The SOS signal will be used as a continuous call to action to prompt individuals, corporations and governments around the world to "Answer the Call" with immediate and sustained action.

Are we to believe that things will really change after this. It is going to be a long uphill battle to change what is happening to the world right now. Anyone almost anywhere in the world will testify that their countries weather, seasons, wildlife, rainfall and temperatures have changed. Things will only get worst before it can get better. The fact is that we can do something about it and do it now.

People live on just this one planet. Resources are scarce. There's more than 6 billion people that need food, water and shelter. If we don't do anything about the problem then surely all of us, including the plants, trees, animals, birds and everything in the oceans will be cooked like an egg on a grill or drowned like sewer rats when the polar ice melts. The dawn will become bleak. Mass panic for survival will take place and it will become "every man for himself" tactics involved.

This Live Earth party seems a joyous event but its sobering note is for people to make changes. Learn to recycle, reduce and re-use what we have so we don't make more damage to the environment. Teach your kids. Share what you know with others. Show by example. Live with a daily thought about the environment and we will all smile about it some time in the near future because other generations will see us as the ones that put a stop to the destruction of the planet and it's resources.

Imagine if our planet was an island and the vast universe was the ocean with all the other planets as other islands but inhabitable. If we destroy all there is on the island we're on, where then will we live. It's not as if we can go some place else or get more resources from any other place. Hell, we can't even get to the next planet and we already know that we can't live there. Then what?

Bar advice. What we change today will benefit us later. Governments globally, get mad and do something for the planet and for the human race.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

What's up?

It seems that everyday is either a good one or a bad one. Sometimes it's where we are and sometimes it's in other parts of the world. It seems that the world has both the bad and the good all rolled into one.

This is just a short blog for people having a bad or good day. Most of us actually have bad ones. The day to day struggles of work, family, relationships, children and money. That old dollar that seems to work it's way into all our problems. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone was rich?

Monte Carlo is an example of a place where there is tons of cash in every pocket. The funny thing is that the money they spend on such luxuries like buying a car, staying in a hotel or pulling their yacht into port is pricy. The berth fees alone can feed a small town in Africa. Looking at what they pay, it actually makes it almost the same whereby we earn less and pay for things that are less expensive but compared to their earnings and spendings, it comes to the same.

Sure they lead a better lifestyle. Nice houses, clothes, jewelry and such but is there happiness? A lot of people think it solves problems but even if you strike the lottery today you may end up wishing that you didn't. You may just find that friends are not friends. Relatives and family are likes wolves in sheeps clothing. The dog is probably still the only one that loves you unconditionally.

Bar advice. We all want nice things. Don't make material things the centre of your world. We came into the world with nothing and we'll leave it the same way.

Monday, July 2, 2007

If you had money would it bring you happiness?

Falling in love is usually rated as the strongest source of positive emotion. People report euphoria, excitement, affection, contentment, laughing. Research shows that the more sex someone has, the happier he or she is(for both men and women).

The stronger ties to friends someone has, the happier he or she is.Research shows again and again that the most important factor in happiness is having good interpersonal relations, with friends, family, and lovers.

At times it can seem paradoxical, because many of us think we can hardly wait to get home and be alone with nothing to do! Most guys think that having more money will make them happier. In fact, many put off meeting women and having a social life to
further their careers. Studies show people making $100,000 dollars are no happier than those making $30,000 dollars.

And studies show that guys making lots of money have no more sex or more sexual partners than guys living on a paycheck week to week, because they typically work longer hours, have less leisure time, and have more stress. I know what you're saying to yourself, "Give me lots of money and I'll show you I can be happy". Well here were not talking about someone striking the lottery or getting a in inheritance. Then again, what makes you think people that get that become happier?

In fact, study after study shows that it's the people who are alone with nothing to do who are typically the most unhappy. Almost universally, whether extroverted or introverted, people feel happier when they're with other people. BELONGING is a great
source of pleasure. We want to feel part of a group, whether it be with a lover, a set of friends, or a family. So being social and feeling content and happy go hand in hand. Happy people not only have more social interactions, they're also of a higher quality.

Quality in relationships is as important as quantity. Research shows that people want confidants, people in whom they can confide, more than just friends with whom they can "hang out". People want intimacy. It's the deeper relationships that allow companionship and confiding that makes people happy.

To form a close relationship involves an increasing level of self-disclosure, and without it people will still be lonely even if they have many "contacts". Studies have found that adults who had plenty of friends and spent a lot of time with them were still lonely because they talked about impersonal topics, such as sports and pop music, rather than about their real concerns.

Have you ever laid down in bed with a partner and just talked about your younger days? What about how your parents treated you? Laughed about how you got punished for stupid stuff you did? Talked to your partner about their concerns in the relationship? Things like this brings happiness from the other because they feel cared for and their partner is communicating with them.

All the scientific research, by a landslide, confirms that developing your social skills and your social relationships, be it work, family of personal, is the most promising path to happiness.

Bar advice.You don't need lots of money to do any of these things, just a new
understanding of reality and a solid foundation in the school of social interaction.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

Cherished or cheated.

I know that it's not as often that women cheat as opposed to guys doing it but this one I write is meant for the women to be aware. So often women settle for less. They think that “knights” are found in fairy tales, or they buy into the too-many-women-too-few-men ratio hype. Many don’t even hold guys to chivalrous standards any more, accepting what comes their way is as a reflection of the changing times.

In essence, they're cheating themselves.

Life is indeed bittersweet. There are so many variables that can’t be controlled. The loss of a loved one, illnesses, violent crimes, a son or daughter who chooses the wrong path, the boss from hell, and economic upheaval, to name a few.

The “choice” of a loving, giving mate helps to cushion the blows of life and weather its many storms. It makes people stronger. It nurtures the spirit and helps to fulfill our divine roles. Women are the backbones of society! They give life. They create homes, raise families, run offices and support dreams but you really can’t give from an empty cup!

The bottom line is this. If you’re not being cherished, you’re being cheated. So if you’re in a relationship that’s wreaking havoc with your sense of peace and your self-worth, repeat after me. “I can do better.” Add this mantra to your daily affirmations and move forward! Whoever the guy is or whatever time period you've been with him, trust me, you're heading for disaster.

But first take note of how a “cherished” woman is treated...

1) If a man cherishes you, he won’t compare you to Halle Berry, or Jennifer Lopez, or his mom. He will accept you for your good and bad, and love the things that make you uniquely you.

2) He will be committed to making the relationship work. He will honor your feelings and value your thoughts. He will compromise on issues of importance so that both of your needs are fulfilled.

3) HE will support your dreams and encourage you during times of failure. He’ll take a personal interest in what you do. He doesn’t necessarily have to share your vision, but he’ll cheer you on to victory just the same.

4) When a man cherishes you, you won’t have to track him down or do headstands to get his attention and to get him to spend quality time with you. The desire to be together is mutual, and he’ll move mountains to make it happen.

5) He won’t betray your trust or reveal your secrets. Period!

6) When a man cherishes you, he won’t keep an emotional score card of what he does for you and how often. He considers it a pleasure to do things that brings his woman pleasure.

7) He won’t flee at the first sign of trouble or tragedy. That should also apply to the fact that you screwed up and got pregnant and now a baby is on the way.

If you're in a relationship in which you are truly “cherished", most importantly, that you cherish yourself first! Most women let the guy take over so hurt, pain, betrayal, cheating and even abuse becomes accepted by her. If you give in to this from the very start then you're heading down the road of "doom". I know some will take back the guy and give him a second chance.Fair enough that your soft heart tells you to do so after all his pleas and if he changes, great. If not then live with it.

Bar advice. Learn to cherish yourself and make him understand it by showing him the way first. You won't go wrong by example. If he screws up he'll have nothing to say.

Web cams

This tool lets you at least see the person before dating. The Internet trys to lessen the jitters of dating online with visuals. Have you tried it before?

Bar advice. Some web cams sites are sleazy so be careful.

Raising you body's energy level

In need of a little pick-me-up? Well, how about some sunshine? Actually, I'm not referring to soaking up a few rays outside. I think most of us by now are aware of the skin damage that can be done by unprotected exposure to the sun's rays but using the idea of the sun in a visualization can be a great energizing exercise. This works on a physical level, as well as mentally and emotionally. It acts like a natural raising of your body's energy level.

Here's what you'd do. Find somewhere comfortable to sit. Close your eyes and take in some long, deep breaths. Then imagine the sun, like a small whirling golden globe of heat and light, directly above your head. As you breathe in, imagine you are breathing in this golden light.

Imagine it filling your head and feel its warmth, as it travels from your head, down through your throat, relaxing your muscles as it goes and filling all the cells of your body with light. Breathe deeply and sense it moving on down through your arms to the tips of your fingers and then back up to your shoulders.

Next, follow it as it travels through your chest, bringing its light and warmth. Feel this golden energy traveling through your abdomen and hips and down through your legs to your toes. Then let it travel back up again, through your legs, hips and abdomen, your chest, arms, and then back again up your throat into your head.

You can keep this light moving up and down through your body as long as you wish, until you start feeling refreshed and energized again. When you are ready, allow the light to pass through your head and surround your entire body. Enjoy the feeling, then slowly open your eyes.

It's like a method of yoga but mostly all visual and mental stimulation.Sometimes we need to get away from what we are doing, be it work, family issues or other stuff but we cannot actually go anywhere. What then can we do? This method lets you transfer yourself to a place of relaxation and calm. Try this. It works wonders.

Bar advice. In our everyday lives, routine makes us old. Sometimes the best thing to do is to do nothing for a while. Let the earth pass time then rejoin it later.

Princess Diana remembered 10 years on.

The date for Princess Diana remembrance concert is here. It's 10 years on from the year that she died. He sons, Prince William and Harry are behind this and with a star studded line up of people there is going to a night to remember indeed.

Lets look at Princess Diana with some of the mishaps, tribulations, media, family and untimely death. She was the people's princess. At such a young age she got married and we can never be sure if it was ever, really true love that made her do it or the thought that goes into every small girls minds when told of fairytale princes, romance, kingdoms and the words "lived happily ever after". All we know is that she then became the most photographed woman on the planet and it would lead to her demise, literally.

Looking at Diana's life, we can safely say that two good things came out of it. Her sons. She was a mother that was so loving and protective of her children. Took time to tend to them, their needs and hardly ever had a nanny do things for them when she was there. Something that all mothers would do. Giving herself selflessly to them and at the same time making the world see her take on campaigns about Aids, leprosy, stopping of land mine use and much more. The concert is being done by her sons to celebrate her life. It falls on the 1st July 2007, her birthday. She would have been 46 years old today if she was still alive.

This brave soul, who stood up strong in the face of public torments and the media, probably felt alone at times. Just like all us simple folks that are down and out or have bad days and just want to hide from the world. She never got to do so. She may have been famous but fame has it's price and she paid the ultimate amount. Death.

The press with all of it's liberties never paid for the injustice done to her even when she was alive. Hungry for money and fame, they continued to pursue her especially when she was seeing Dodi Al Fayed. Her sons were not spared either and the fact that the royal family never stepped in to do anything didn't make it any easier. Even when she was doing good around the world with awareness of Aids and land mine use that was killing people, she was never seen by the press as anything else but a story to them and hoping to get a scoop on any mishap that might happen. She was never taken seriously by anyone with the exception, probably, of Mother Teresa whom she got a rare opportunity to meet some time before both of them passed away.

Many things will be said about her. More books written. Possibly more scandal to come out. Former staff trying to get their share of money, even if it means tarnishing her image even more, and whatever the press can conjure up some more. Her legacy, her story and interest in her will still continue, possibly, for the next thirty years. She deserves a little respect now that she's dead but even in death she is still sought after. Can she ever rest in peace?

There may never be anyone else that will come along like her. Despite all the ups and down in her life, she was a woman of substance. A girl who grew up into a woman. A lady, a mother and a friend to those that had lesser in the world. Those that needed a voice. A champion for others. Before we can judge others we should look at our lives. It isn't all that different from hers. Just being human. I remember where I was when I heard the news about her death. Do you?

Bar advice. Lets watch the tribute concert, celebrate her life, remember her death but be glad that the people's princess lived during our lifetime and was part of us. May she rest in peace.