Friday, November 30, 2007

When the magic fades

Being in love is the super feeling that makes everything else seem trivial in this doggy dog world. If you're in love now or ever been than you know what I mean. My mom, when I was young, use to say that people in love think that they can live on love and fresh air alone. Actually I think that most people in love probably do think that way. I know I did.

The thing is, it was so true what my mom said. People at a younger age will think that way till they get older and are in the same relationship. Many will feel the effects of what the world and all it's blocks and walls can bring. Priority changes especially when you're a girl and you got parents nagging at you for not thinking about settling down. The nagging also continues about the no good bum you've been dating for all these years. Women get more of a hard time because parents feel that their prime may go quicker and they'll be "left behind" or on the "shelf" and eventually the guy she's with may end up dumping her. Can you blame your parents about the worrying or trying to give you advice?

All said and done. In the event that you do or don't get married, what will happen when the magic fades? I've seen it happen before. Once, a guy I knew, broke up with his girlfriend of over eleven years. She was thirty four when that happened. It's easier for a guy to rebound but women will have a hard time. Why they waited to get married I don't know but I think that it was better for her that they didn't. If she became a divorcee, it would have been worse for her to get another guy. Don't know if she ever did. Never saw her again.

Most of the time when the magic is fading, there seems to be a lot of pressure, arguments, abuse, temper and other stuff. Guess you can understand what I mean? It's all part of maturity and development. Where are our priorities? Are we going to do everything for the person we are with or is it just "puppy love"? Most women I know always say they hate the guys that "play games". There are some women that do that too, actually. They fake the interest just so that they need not be alone. They lead a guy on so they have someone to go out with or just to talk to. They don't want to look single in front of family and friends. In most cases there is either no sex or bad sex in this relationships.

If we can see that there is a problem arising we need to have a proper discussion with our partner. Ironing out the issues will be much better that all the shouting, yelling and phone banging that will go on for days. Is this the person you're going to marry for the rest of your life? It's better to get out of it now, even if it was ten years together, than ending up a bloody mess later. Worse, is kids are involved. With kids involved your problems will haunt you till the day you die. Even after divorce, it will haunt you till death because the kids are a part of both of you.

My advice to this is constant reaffirmations to each other. Tell the person your appreciation of being with them. Give compliments. Give in to the other. Who doesn't like to be "right" but who likes being in the dog house? If you want to make it work you got to intensify your commitment to the person that you are with more every year down the line. This includes after marriage. Don't just think that after the chase is over that all will be well. It takes a lot of effort for that magical flame not to go out. In fact it can go out faster in marriage.

Working out all the issues is far better than battling it out. One example is to stop in the middle of an argument, take a breath and change your tone. Tell the other that you both need to discuss the issue as a team. Try it, this works. Some people I've seen can go on a yelling rampage between each other in supermarkets, malls, theaters, bars and so on. You name it. It make you wonder why they are together in the first place. Will they have endless bliss? Will you?

Bar advice. The person you're with is going to be with you for a very long time. Don't you think it's best to lay solid foundations for your relationship. This is going to be your partner. What are you willing you do, starting now?

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Deep Sexual Bliss

These compelling benefits can raise your stud-muffin factor 100 fold! You can last as long as you want in active lovemaking, including during intercourse.>

You can give your female partner complete sexual satisfaction by taking as long as she wants and needs to have all the orgasms she can stand. Your relationship with your lover can be immeasurably enhanced and strengthened. She will adore you! You can experience a great deal of physical pleasure, more than you could possibly imagine. You can become a multi-orgasmic man, having any number of orgasms in a single session of lovemaking that extends over a period of hours.

Each orgasm can last longer and be more intense than an ordinary ejaculation. Usually these orgasms are experienced as pleasure throughout the body rather than being restricted to the genitals alone. You can maintain optimal prostate health.

You can super-boost your immune system for total well-being, rarely getting sick and recovering quickly when you do. You can experience a tremendous increase in available energy throughout each day. You can have available a deep source of creativity to draw upon for application in all other areas of your life, for example, business, science, sports and the arts. You can gain a serious competitive advantage over other ordinary males who do not know how to do this. You can regularly experience states of sexual and spiritual ecstasy in which time stands still and the boundaries between you and your lover completely disappear.

You can regularly experience various forms of mystical altered states of consciousness. You can radiate a sense of self-confidence and charisma that you formerly may have envied in other superior alpha males.

You will also learn these..
Yin and Yang and how they relate to men and women. How variations of the missionary position can create better sexual friction. How to do the “Full Lift” to adequately stimulate the g-spot. Why sideways positions are best for sharing spiritual energy. How skilled women can let her man “Ride the elevator”.

“The Queen’s Ecstasy”, "Slipslide” and it's variations. Why you should not follow the golden rule of "do unto others". How to do "Grounding Exercises" and why they are important. What the "Yab Yum" position is and how to achieve it. Where to place your hands to best help circulating the sexual energy. When standing positions are ideal and how to accomplish them.

Positions that allows for both partners to rest, while still maintaining sexual contact. Why opposites positions are so erotic and accomplishing their variations. Why foreplay is important for females to reach orgasms. Going from friction sex to energy sex to soul sex. The different forms of foreplay and how to engage in them.

The positions that encourage emotional unions. The importance of undressing during your lovemaking sessions. The single greatest turn-on for almost every male lover. Why the woman gives more energy and how it’s beneficial when she’s on top. Why giving and receiving massages is important. What is "Sexual Fire Breath" and why is it used. The importance of fantasies and how to enact them.

And you thought you knew everything. HA!

* Side note: If you're having a medical problem in this area, my advice is to see a doctor. These things are to enhance your performance not solve your medical issues.

Bar get deep sexual bliss, all this and more click HERE!

Relationships, lies and trust

Relationships are social connections, associations and affiliations between people. They vary in levels of depth and cover different aspects such as friendship, family, lovers relationship and marriage. Regardless of the different kinds of relationship which a person plays in a social entity, conflicts may arise and can strain a relationship. Trust is an important element in maintaining a healthy and harmonious relationship. Conflicts normally arise due to the betrayal of trust. Whenever there is a conflict, parties may resort to accusations, harsh words and insults on each other which may eventually lead to emotional stress.

Trust is the pillar which supports relationships. Lies bring about distrust and suspicion in relationships. Lies should be taken seriously because for every time a lie is told, the level of trust will drop and create more and more suspicion between parties. Eventually, the person who tells the lies will lose their credibility and this will strain the relationship. My relationship advice in today’s modern society of heightened stress and competition is, lies are inevitable and serve as a convenient tool to evade trouble and protect oneself. Basically a white lie is a false escape. However, this form of convenience is exchanged with the reduction in trust. A person who has his trust misplaced before may have difficulty trusting people again. Therefore, with regards of relationship, once there is zero trust between both parties, this relationship has failed. Honesty is the best policy!

The most powerful tool is words but also the most destructive weapon in the world. Words can be in the form of praise and compliment but also a weapon that can hurt and leave an emotional scar in a person. When it comes to relationship, hurtful remarks and insults being hurled on a person in the fit of anger during conflicts can deeply affect the person’s psychological and emotional state. The impact of these words can be further intensified especially when it come out from a person who you are closely attached to.

The emotional effect may heal over time but it can also change a person’s perception of humanity and relationships permanently. Sometimes it has the power to drive people to same sex relationships because of the intense pain inflicted at an early age by someone they loved. They may have been cheated upon. Maybe made to be humiliated or there was also physical abuse.

In conclusion, trust and words are closely related to each other in a relationship. Lies don't fit anywhere. Any incorrect management of the first two important elements can strain a relationship. Anger management, character building and emotional stress management are crucial to prevent conflicts and handle any aftermath of failed relationships. Therefore, one should not take things to be granted and learn to cherish relationships.

Bar advice. Connecting with each other is already hard enough. Deception and the lack of trust will bring the relationship to it's knees.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

How sexy do you want to be?

Most women look at the magazines on the shelves at stores and supermarkets, or at least the covers, and wish that they looked like those girls. Some actually believe that is what all the sexy women look like in real life. Some are so obsessed with the methods the models or celebrities use that their health is placed in danger.

It's great to be hot and have a lot of guys come after you and such but if you're obtaining that physic by unhealthy methods that can harm you or even cause death, than you're going down a dark and deadly path. We've all heard about how models starve themselves, have bulimia or are anorexic. These stories are just that, stories. People tell themselves that everything will be fine but it only sinks in when a friend or relative dies from it. A lot of women live lives that are a far cry from being thin and are very successful, have lots of men and live a healthy lifestyle. Take Tyra Banks for example. She used to be on all the covers and runways for the world, still does sometimes, but she never did all the crazy stuff to hurt herself to become thin. Maybe for some people it's a bit more natural being thin but others have a hard time.

Sexiness can also be the brightness of a girls smile. Her pouting lips like Angelina Jolie. Maybe even curves like Queen Latiffa. Women can enhance their looks with the right makeup on. Trust me I've seen some girls plaster on a ton of make up that they look worse than the clown, Ronald McDonald. You wouldn't want to see them in a dark alleyway at night. You'll mistake them for a ghost.

Lingerie is also something that can bring out that sexy, naughty vibe in you. Women think it's all superficial. They fail to realize that men can sniff out the confidence of a sexy chick. It's built in nature for them. Just remember that many women around the world all look different. Many have the whole sexy, beauty, stylish package. Others just have to deal with the "Ugly Betty" package that they got when God was handing out looks. Remember, the show "Ugly Betty" is all about this superficial world and what it takes to overcome those obstacles.

Last but not least. Wake up from the dream state you're in if you are thinking that you're going to change over night. Your face and body is who you are. Say cheers to all the beautiful women out there but say a cheer for yourself even if you don't make the "cut". I notice that women tend to check out other women. Not sexually, well some do, but just to see if they measure up to them or the other way around. A woman will not feel threaten if she's in the company of another that isn't giving out the overly sexy and hot vibe that will make her seem insignificant.

Women are always competing with others to be beautiful, to be hot looking, sexy and more but let me go back to emphasise that the key to all of this is the "confidence" you personify that will make you sparkle better than a diamond. Those that are blessed with their looks and bodies sometimes find it a curse that they have to keep up the image or be criticized. This can bring depression and self destruction to some. Look at people like Merilyn Monroe, Karen Carpenter or worst of all Anna Nicole Smith. Dead and gone. Is that going to be you too?

Bar Advice. Keeping a healthy life style, exercise and a attitude with confidence will make you feel so much better that you won't be bothered with the whole image business.

Zodiac compatibilities

Here is the zodiac compatibilities for your interest. Don't think that other combinations cannot work. This is just a guide. The world is full of possibilities. Sometimes we just have to work around them.

Aries (March 21-April 19)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Capricorn, Aquarius
Good - Aries, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
Fair - Cancer, Libra, Sagittarius

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Aries, Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces
Good - Leo, Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius
Fair - Taurus, Cancer

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Aries, Gemini, Virgo, Scorpio, Aquarius
Good - Leo, Capricorn, Pisces
Fair - Taurus, Cancer, Libra, Sagittarius

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Aries, Taurus, Cancer, Virgo
Good - Gemini, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius
Fair - Leo, Scorpio, Aquarius, Pisces

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Good - Taurus, Cancer, Libra, Aquarius
Fair - Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Pisces

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Libra, Capricorn
Good - Gemini, Virgo, Sagittarius, Aquarius, Pisces
Fair - Aries, Scorpio

Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Cancer, Leo, Libra, Aquarius
Good - Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Scorpio, Pisces
Fair - Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Pisces
Good - Aries, Gemini, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn
Fair - Cancer, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio
Good - Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius
Fair - Pisces

Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Taurus, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces
Good - Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Aquarius
Fair - Aries, Leo, Libra

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Pisces
Good - Taurus, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius
Fair - Aries, Gemini

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces
Good - Leo, Libra, Aquarius
Fair - Aries, Virgo, Sagittarius, Capricorn

Leo (July 23-Aug 22)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Gemini, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Pisces
Good - Aries, Virgo, Libra, Capricorn
Fair - Taurus, Cancer, Aquarius

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Aries, Gemini, Leo, Libra, Aquarius, Pisces
Good - Cancer, Scorpio, Sagittarius
Fair - Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Aries, Gemini, Cancer, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Good - Taurus, Leo, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Fair - Libra, Scorpio

Virgo (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Aries, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Sagittarius
Good - Taurus, Leo, Aquarius
Fair - Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Taurus, Gemini, Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Good - Aries, Cancer, Capricorn, Pisces
Fair - Leo, Libra

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Pisces
Good - Aries, Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn
Fair - Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Libra (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Taurus, Leo, Scorpio
Good - Gemini, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Aquarius
Fair - Aries, Cancer, Virgo

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Scorpio
Good - Aries, Taurus, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Fair - Virgo, Aquarius, Pisces

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Good - Gemini, Libra, Scorpio
Fair - Aries, Leo, Capricorn, Pisces

Scorpio (Oct. 24-Nov 21)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Sagittarius, Pisces
Good - Aries, Cancer, Libra, Capricorn
Fair - Taurus, Virgo, Aquarius

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio
Good - Aries, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Pisces
Fair - Taurus, Capricorn, Aquarius

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Aries, Libra, Sagittarius, Capricorn
Good - Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Scorpio, Aquarius, Pisces
Fair - Taurus, Leo

Sagittarius (Nov. 22-Dec 21)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Taurus, Cancer, Leo, Sagittarius, Capricorn, Pisces
Good - Virgo, Libra, Scorpio, Aquarius
Fair - Aries, Gemini

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Taurus, Libra, Capricorn
Good - Aries, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Sagittarius
Fair - Gemini, Aquarius, Pisces

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Taurus, Libra, Aquarius, Pisces
Good - Gemini, Leo, Scorpio, Sagittarius
Fair - Aries, Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn

Capricorn (Dec. 22-Jan 19)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Aries, Cancer, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, Pisces
Good - Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Aquarius
Fair - Gemini

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Taurus, Cancer, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Good - Aries, Gemini, Capricorn, Pisces
Fair - Leo, Scorpio

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Taurus, Gemini, Leo, Scorpio
Good - Aries, Virgo, Capricorn, Pisces
Fair - Cancer, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius

Aquarius (Jan 20-Feb. 18)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Aries, Cancer, Capricorn
Good - Gemini, Virgo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Fair - Taurus, Leo, Scorpio, Pisces

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Cancer, Leo, Capricorn, Aquarius
Good - Aries, Taurus, Virgo, Pisces
Fair - Gemini, Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Scorpio, Pisces
Good - Cancer, Leo, Libra, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Fair - Virgo, Capricorn

Pisces (Feb 19-March 20)
Compatibility with Spouse/Love Interest
Excellent - Aries, Leo, Sagittarius, Pisces
Good - Gemini, Cancer, Libra, Scorpio, Capricorn
Fair - Taurus, Virgo, Aquarius

Compatibility with Family/Friends
Excellent - Aries, Gemini, Leo, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn
Good - Cancer, Aquarius, Pisces
Fair - Taurus, Libra, Sagittarius

Compatibility with Co-workers
Excellent - Aries, Taurus, Virgo, Scorpio, Capricorn, Pisces
Good - Cancer, Leo, Sagittarius, Aquarius
Fair - Gemini, Libra

Bar advice. Nothing is set in stone. Sometimes opposites do attract. It all depends on the individual so don't always look to the stars for answers. Sometimes what's in the heart that really matters.codebase=",0,29,0" width="468"
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Rascal Flatts-What Hurts The Most

This is a great band and more importantly this song just blew a lot of people. This mini video just shows young love, relationships and parents. What hurts the most is when we miss the ones we love or the ones that hurt us.

Bar advice. The advice I give to anyone that's been in love and lost someone is to celebrate that persons life by living better.

Date tracking

If you go out with a girl on a date there are a few key things to do. During the entire course of the few hours with her you see good responses coming out of her at various times. There will also be points of times where the date hits a lull. There will be times when she's enthusiastic or passive, etc. So, after the date is over what do you need to do when you get home?

Date tracking is the answer. What is that? Here is a few tips to your relationship advice woes. Doesn't matter if it's a first date or one that's been on for a while. What matters most is to progressively track your date and the ongoings of each of them. List it. Did it get better as you progressed? What did you do right or wrong? What did she say that interest her more? Did you remember what her favorite place was? What's her favourite type of movie? Does she like to travel, dance, party, swim, workout, window shop and so on. Get the idea?

There's also the key point to remember to recall the conversations that you had. What kept her more engaged and made her have a bigger smile on her face when you discussed that subject. Those topics can be tracked by you so you can bring them up again. Another thing is to remember when she had touched you in the conversations because this may have triggered more response in her. If you are not familiar with the in depth knowledge of the subject, now would be a good time to research it. Amplify those things when you meet her again on another date. Use this tracking method again and again as the relationship stretches. Any woman loves a man that's listening to them and takes interest in their thoughts.

If you're out with a new person then reuse the same method but remember you have to start from scratch. Each girl is different and they have different interest and likes. With the same one, all you have to do is to keep adding to a list that you have. Improve on the things that she liked when you first met, progressively. You're bound to see admirable changes in her because she's enjoying your company more.

You can also do things that surprise her. Firstly listen carefully to some "wishes" that she may have. If she's talking about going to climb Mount Fuji or something, forget it but if she's talking about trying to get tickets to see a special show or something, maybe. This is a possibility to score big with her. She's going to have more feelings for a man that's doing things for her without her asking. Please don't think that you just need to do things that spend money all the time. Even the simplest thing like sending her a love email may just trigger the same response, if not more. That all depends on how good a poet you are, I guess.

Bar advice. This method can be applied by women to men as well, however, guys are a bit more difficult to pen down. Your list may just be very long and keeps changing very rapidly.


Monday, November 26, 2007

Appreciate your lover

We tend to overlook the things that are right in front of our face. Think about it, do you write your lover a thank you card for every little gift you're presented with? Probably not but you would never forget to write or say so to your mother for the same gesture.

Take stock of the things (and people) in your life that you're grateful for. Don't forget the person lying next to you. Ask yourself if you've shown your gratitude to the individual who brings you the most pleasure in life. Your lover! Here's some things that you can do do keep things hot and fresh and also appreciative.

Make a date.
Sometimes it's easy to take each other for granted. After all, you've got commitments, other people are counting on you and more. Your schedule is tight and when you get home from work or the late hours, you're exhausted! It's not exactly hot love time and it's certainly not time for planning.

The good news is, your lover knows this because most likely, they're feeling it too. So, if you really want to make them feel special, schedule some time to show them a little appreciation. How that manifests is up to you but a full body massage, a hot soak in the tub (together!), dinner late night by candlelight are all easy options that don't require much effort, yet they speak volumes. What you're going for is something that says It's just you and me, babe! The gesture (whether naughty, nice or some saucy combo) will help remind them that, even when you're torn in a many directions, they're still first and foremost in your head and heart.

Technological advances.
Whether it's via cell phone, text message, email or IM, these days, we're all accessible at the touch of a button. Oftentimes the constant communication can be annoying. We come to expect requests and lists at any time of day and mid-day messages become just one more thing to add to our already over scheduled lives but we're all willing to be surprised! In addition to easy access, technology also offers us a chance to say the things we otherwise might not have the courage to say… In other words, a chance to talk dirty without fear of embarrassment!

Just when your partner thinks you're messaging to say, "Can you pick up the dry cleaning?" or that you'll be late coming home. Surprise them with something sexy and suggestive. Bonus points if it's a promise for when they get home!

Fantasies do come true.
If you've been paying attention, your lover probably has, at some point or another, expressed an interest in something romantic. Think back. If it wasn't directly stated, did they ooh and ahh over a commercial you've seen or a story they've read? Did you notice them quietly raise an eyebrow at something risque? Sometimes, it's easier to figure out what they'd like than you think. Be open to clues that they generate but keep it to yourself.

Is there anything that you haven't acted on yet? A desire to be served breakfast in bed, perhaps, or one to be pampered with a relaxing foot massage. Maybe it's something more scandalous like indulging in a sexual fantasy via role-play or something more naughty. Now is the time to act on it. No matter what you do to show appreciation to your one and only, it will be worth the effort!

Bar advice. There are many more ways as well. If both keep this cycle of constant appreciation the journey together will be a joyous one.

The elusive kiss. (For guys)

Finding the elusive kiss. How? You've been touching your lady in a nonthreatening, playful, and sexually stimulating way. You're ready to go further and she seems into you but for whatever reason, the chance never seems to come. The "kiss me" look never quite materializes or it comes at just the wrong time.

She's shy and never gives you a good head to head look from which you can lean into. What can you do? Well, one thing that works all by itself almost always is this. Hold her gently but firmly and take hold of her chin between your thumb and index finger. Move her head to face you. Think sex scene in a movie. Chances are she'll melt then and there and you won't have to say a thing. However, sometimes you'll have a woman who wants to "prove" just how strong she is, maybe how cool she is, or she'll just be so nervous that she'll actually pull away slightly even though she wants to be kissed. What do you do?

Be straightforward. Ask if she wants to be kissed by you. If she says yes or nothing, just do it. If she says maybe, presuade her a little and try doing it. If she says no, unlikely given the build-up you've gone through to get here, tell her "it can wait if she's not ready" in a playful teasing tone. Don't act let down. You were just playing with her. Get it? Wow, that was easy. Be bold by not caring. You need to be the alpha male here. Act like you don't to care. Listen, obviously you want to score. If you didn't, you wouldn't go to the trouble of wooing this lady, or setting the right mood but you can't let that be your obvious goal when you're in the process. You need to concentrate on the process, and your goal should be as slick as you can. Do that, and yeah, the sex will come (woohoo!), but if all you worry about is the sex that gets telegraphed to your lady in the worst possible way. So, again, relaxed playfulness is the key.

While you are sexually cuing her you don't want it to be overtly sexual. You want it to be fun. Don't get serious. The mistake most men make when they try to turn up the notch is they suddenly get too quick and unprepared for a possible pause on her part. Think about it. Imagine yourself in a first kiss. How often are either of you smiling as you go into it in your head? Admit it. Not much. Most likely your imagination has you thinking of some movie you saw last night. Just like people can fall in love at first sight. However, when you get serious at this crucial moment you cause her to think seriously about it. Suddenly she's switched into thinking if you're the one for her and unless you've got a deep spiritual connection going, she's gonna have some doubts. You don't want doubts. You don't want all those somber questions floating around. Hell, it's just a kiss! Stop treating it like a life long pairing. You're both suppose to get to know each other.

Keep it relaxed. Keep it playful. Keep it fun. So no, don't be brave about the kiss. If it takes that much bravado, you've already built it up too much. Treat it like you've been there before. Like a natural extension of the fun you're having and not like you're entering some new chapter in a saga, but just part of the path. Trust me, this works. That's right. Go back to the fun you were having like nothing happened. She'll wonder what the hell's going on. Of course, you know you're just teasing her. By pushing forward and then stepping back, you're increasing the sexual tension. Suddenly she's the one thinking about sex. Not in the serious "Could I Marry Him" way, but in the "Does He Like Me?" way.

When you fill in the next silence with another kiss, do a bit on her shoulders as well. You should take it a little further. Then draw back a bit and then take it a bit further. See where this is going? Maybe a kiss on her neck, from the back. You want to ratchet up the sexual tension until she is wanting to go further, faster than you're going. Keep it playful. Make her beg (not in a mean way, remember, this should be fun for both of you). Before you know it, you'll both be naked and putting the lambada to shame. If you go too fast and she is uncomfortable, back off a bit and build her up. The key is making sure she wants the next step before you get there. This means taking your time. Go slow. Pay attention to all the parts of her body. Surprise her now and again. Give her a tickle when she expects a caress. Peck her cheek and lean back when she expects a french kiss. Get it?

This video isn't exactly what I have in mind but it helps.

VideoJug: How To Kiss Someone Passionately

Bar advice. Remember this advice. She's the girl your are desiring. She's no hooker. You want her to want you just as much. It drives me crazy to explain these things to guys.

Arguing all the time

Hostile arguments harm your health. A stress response that makes your blood pressure stay high even after the argument is over. This, in turn, may damage your blood vessels and lead to clogged arteries, which can trigger a heart attack.

Women who argued with hostility had double the amount of clogged arteries and even worse clogs if their husbands were also hostile. Men who made domineering statements or had a wife who did had arteries that was double the times more clogged. What was causing all of these hostile arguments? Likely things that you have argued about as well. Some like in-laws, finances, intimate time and household chores.

Of course, there are deeper issues at play when you argue about practical matters. Key underlying causes of arguments, particularly among couples, include not feeling appreciated, needing more affection, not feeling respected, feeling insecure, built up resentments from the past(such as a forgotten birthday), feeling you’re carrying more of the responsibility/burden, resolving arguments for a peaceful and deep relationship and more.

Arguing all the time isn't good. Your relationship will probably always include disagreements, but the following tips will help to keep these disagreements on a superficial level so they make your relationship stronger instead of weaker.

Let go of wanting to be right. It’s easy to feel the need to defend your position to the end, but does it really matter who is right? Probably not. What matters is enjoying your relationship. See their point of view. By doing this you both can often resolve even long-standing disagreements. Be kind. Make an effort not to use hostile words, insults or hurtful comments. When you have a disagreement, think of it as a discussion, not an argument. A few kind words when you’re not arguing will also go a long way toward repairing your relationship. If you did something wrong, admit it. Take responsibility, apologize and move forward from there.

Bar Advice. One last but important thing. Say that you're sorry if you know that the other has been hurt by you. Heal the heart and the mind will follow.

Strawberry to daiquiri

There's a huge difference in people who seem to look for the same thing but want it differently. I'm referring to the many single people that are out there that just don't seem to be able to meet the right guy or really know what they want.

For some, because they are still young, it's not yet a problem. Funny thing is when they get older the panic button starts to be pushed and I don't just mean by the individual themselves but by friends, mothers, fathers and even siblings try to fix them up. A younger person is like a strawberry. All plum and nice, very colourful, sweet and ripe to be plucked. The older people, well, they're like a daiquiri that you need before lunch time. Something you need to have to make you numb to get through the day.

Now you probably have to work and all your colleagues are either talking about their husbands or their boyfriends during the lunch hour. You got to listen to all those romantic sloppy details while remembering that you were in bed with a book and your reading glasses the night before. Then there's the fact that your mother is calling you at work and telling you that she just met a neighbours cousins friends daughter who seems to be a good match for you. You make an excuse and try to hush and hurry off the phone so you don't have to listen to her and pretend you were busy at work.

When you get home your dad is feeling sorry for you and he's worried for you at the same time. He'll try a fatherly approach while you put on a brave face to hear the never ending same old story. He may even encourage you do the online dating thing. Your brother or sister, which is much younger, is pissing you off because they hog the phone with their love interest and when you get angry with them they just rub salt in the wound by teasing about yourself being single and bitter or worse jealous.

The truth is the people that are in this category are between 32 to 45 for women and 38 to 50 for men. During this particular age they lie to themselves that everything will be alright so they can seek comfort within themselves and not show others that they are a little scared that they'll never find the right person or ever get hitched. For some they never will but others try desperately to still find someone. Nothing wrong to seek out a glimmer of hope but if you've put such a high wall or barrier up that no one can climb or even view whats on the other side, how is it going to work?

You're no longer the colourful, youthful or even fruitful strawberry. What you bring to a relationship is not the same as if you were in your twenties. You may still see, through your eyes, life and everybody and things like you are in your twenties but you're only kidding yourself if you think others see you like that. There must be a change in attitude and thinking if you're going to have any hope of being with someone. Certain criteria and standards may have to be altered. Don't forget that the person you meet will have to do the same. They too may have had certain expectations of the other but their downfall was never having anyone actually meet those expectations. That's why they're in the same boat as you and in that boat there seems to be only one oar that when paddled just makes you move in unending circles.

If only those expectations can be filtered a little or some dropped all together. You will find that you may just meet someone that's been searching just as hard as you. So what if she's a little shorter, he's a bit balding, she's slightly over weight, his teeth are not so straight, her chest is too flat, he had seven girlfriends or she's not a virgin? Right now you're all sipping that daiquiri and hoping to drown away that pain of not being appreciated or being lonely at times.

Just imagine someone that you can confide in. Someone you can tell a secret to. Joke with or talk to about matters of interest. This person makes your heart feel joy each time you see them or talk to them. Maybe a holiday together to be a little more intimate. This person can be your best friend as well as your lover. You've been so introverted because you thought you had no hope so explode out all those feelings. You will feel greater joy in life itself. You'll look to the heavens and wonder what prayers you said that let God send you this saving grace of an individual that can fill that void that was there before.

Bar advice. Never give up hope but make changes. Everyone including yourself needs love and acceptance will make you, and I stress you, a happier person. You both may just start having a strawberry daiquiri together.

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Relationship rescue

As a follow-up to his bestselling book Life Strategies, Oprah acolyte Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D., moves from aiding the aimless individual to coaching the disconnected couple. McGraw has distilled his more than two decades of counseling experience into a seven-step strategy he calls "Relationship Rescue."

Most Oprah Winfrey viewers are well aware of Dr. Phil's book Relationship Rescue, which presents a seven-step program for salvaging troubled relationships. McGraw would be the first to tell you that watching Oprah or reading about his program are all fine and good, but if you really want to rescue your relationship, you've got to do the work which is where this excellent workbook comes in. Loaded with probing questions, exercises, and fill in the blank "self-tests, this four-part book is probably more effective than having a televised session with McGraw on Oprah.

Bar advice. This two books go hand in hand to help those in relationship problems. My small advice to this is a self examination of ones being before adopting other peoples advice.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Me, Aerosmith and a girl.

The night before I played Aerosmith on air, Dottie(not real name), came to the bar with her boyfriend. He had been there before but not her. The moment I saw her and heard her speak, I knew there was something special about her.

They sat a the far end of the bar. I played some of the latest hit and such but later I decided to change to some older rock tunes. As the songs kept going I noticed that Dottie was bopping and tapping her feet to the beat a little more. Now, I know this business and what she was doing told me that she was enjoying it. The guy on the other hand didn't seem to know all the songs unlike her. I got to chat with both later that night and managed to get a business card from her so I could email her if I opened a new bar. Yeah right! I just wanted it for myself anyway. Later they left but not before she said she would return the next day. I had hoped that she liked me too.

Now the next day comes. Guess who I see first. Early in the day it's Kat, a.k.a.'hot ass'. She's got salsa classes so stopped by after reading the emails I sent everyone about the bar closing. We talked for a while. I got her a drink because I wasn't going to be there anymore. Later I got to steal a quick kiss from her as a farewell. Told her I was going to miss her coming around. She's a fun girl and we could talk about anything and everything even though she was younger than myself.

Let's get back to Dottie. She finally shows up about nine that evening. Brought three friends as she said she would. They all seemed like nice people. They sat at the last table but later one of her girlfriends walked over to the bar, which was the smoke zone, and starting talking to me while having a puff. Not sure if that was anything planned but I was about to get a plan of my own going. I decided to change the hip hop music I was playing to something more rock because of the night before. Just before that the same girlfriend and a guy came up to smoke. Said a quick hello and went to slot in the CD.

My back is normally turned away from the customers when changing discs. As I got the first track on, I had to take the other disc out from the other player, I heard someone calling. There was Dottie at the bar area. She just said, "I love Aerosmith" to which I replied "Yeah, it's one of my favourites too". She went back to her seat right after that. I wasn't sure why but after that all returned as well. I started to sing along to some of the tracks. This I knew I could do reasonably well. I just wanted to impress her at the same time enjoy it with her. I was also hoping she'd take more notice since she took delight in their songs.

I then decided to bring over a mug of beer to keep her there a little longer. I saw that all the glasses were empty so I just said that hers was on the house for being a fan as well. I was hoping that I could persuade her to stay if the other three was going to leave but to my astonishment she came up with the idea instead. Her friends left and she brought over her beer and sat at the bar so we could chat. I was rocking then. We enjoyed more of the songs and also played some of the other stuff from the previous night that she liked. She just fascinated me. I hoped that she had a good time as well. I did feel a connection to her in a very odd manner. Still don't know what it is.

Later she had her boyfriend meet her at the main road to take her home. I called her the next day but she was busy. Tried to get her to come down so I sent a text message. She replied she was coming with her boyfriend the next day. When asked why not alone, she replied because she was 'with him'. I had no words. I told myself, truly what else can I say. She was with someone else. Devastating to hear because you don't really find Aerosmith fans that easily. For that matter a chick that likes rock tunes nowadays. Well actually because she's really sweet too.

As she was leaving I did, however, get a return kiss on the cheek as I kissed her hand goodbye. It was very unexpected. I felt some chemistry but not sure about her. Perhaps, I hope. Nevertheless, I can only depend on fate now.

Even I may go "Crazy" when I meet a hot chick like that. Anyone meeting a girl hopes she'll show "Sweet emotion" and she'll look like an "Angel". We don't want a "Rag doll" and we don't want them "Cryin" either. When you're "Living on the edge", you really got to "Walk this way" and "Get a grip" of yourself. Men like them and want them. Even a "Blind man" can see that so if you're "Jadded" and you keep saying "I don't want to miss a thing", do what poker players do. Throw the dice of life and if "Dueces are wild" get "Back in the saddle" and "Kiss your past goodbye". Remember her "Pink" lips and "What it takes" to "Dream on". You don't have "Nine lives" and everyone knows that "Falling in love is hard on your knees". If you say there's a "Hole in my soul" then wait for "Fallen angels" because "Somethings gotta give". You never know if something "Amazing" could happen. Gotta leave it to fate.

Bar advice. Those that are real Aerosmith fans can understand. If you're not, well, " Ain't that a bitch".

Closing one door

Well if you noticed I haven't been on the blog for about a week. Well it just so happened that I have closed the bar. Now don't go thinking that it has to do with not making a profit. The fact is the landlord has sold the building. The new guy wants to increase the rent. Also the bar is partially exposed to the elements and with world climate change, it can be tricky to have customers come.

This really can be seen as closing one door and another opening up. Life works in a very funny way. I just got an offer from the guy who built my previous bar to come work for him in the interior design and building company that he has. It is a great opportunity. Doing both residential and commercial projects. Also, I was asked to see another site for a bar as well. This place would be more than twice the one I just closed. Still thinking about that actually.

Anyway, what I go to say here is that the blog is not going to end just like that. I can still continue but the stories will have to come from past events or ones that happen when I go to other bars for a drink. It will be silly not to keep the blog going.

Almost forgot. I met this girl at the bar just a week before but she's with someone else. What's a guy to do? Anyway, I told her I was going to blog about her and that's what I'll do in the next blog writings.

Right now I got to take a break. Recharge the batteries, so to speak, and open that next door. Some how I feel lighter on the 'load of worries' at this moment. Not sure why but I feel positive things are going to happen soon.

Bar advice. When closing one door just make sure you tie up all loose ends. Don't give people the chance to say things about you or your your character.

Monday, November 12, 2007

Karma Sutra. Seductive sex positions VCD

Don't get me wrong but I'm not trying to promote X-rated films or pornography. This is for people that truly need help in the sack. Sex is so common but not all of us know exactly what to do. Do we? If you tell yourself that you don't need any help in this department then you must be the author of all sexual info.

These VCD's may help some but not all. There's a lot of stuff that is quite common to most but I'm sure it can benefit those that need a little boost to their love making skills. My advice here is to use what you like and try some out.

Bar advice. Don't just think that the men need this more than the women. It is the lack of pleasure from a lover that drives people to the arms of others.

Sexual aura

There's this really strange, mystical and invisible aura that surrounds those that are projecting their sexual side. People, both men and women, all have it but there are those that just have it a little more than others.

A lot of these unique individuals don't even realize that they are doing anything out of the ordinary. Have you ever sensed everyone looking at you when you enter a room? Most women have some sort of natural radar so to speak, that tells them a guy is paying 'extra' attention to her. There are times also where she will feel uncomfortable when someone she doesn't fancy is eyeing her. The one that that really gets to me sometimes is when her modesty button kicks in and she tries not to make eye contact with a guy but she make like him. What's that all about? If you like someone you should indicate so. Playing hard to get can end up making you and old maid.

Guys on the other hand are totally different. Since prehistoric days women seem to be more attentive to the 'brute'. If the guy is macho and personifies a tough, strong image then he's probably going to be with a lot of girls. The women that want this sort of guys will only wish that he's got a sensitive side as well. How are they suppose to take him to see mummy if he's doesn't?

Some women like the guy a little timid because they don't like domineering guys. Some prefer chubby fellows because they feel that he won't be too attractive to other women. Guys also like women less pretty so that their chances are higher in getting her. Lot of guys also feel that someone less attractive will not have too much wants and needs. Both women and men who have trouble getting a partner are more prone to living a single life than marrying someone they are not sure about.

The thing about the sexual aura is that the individual must desire for another person to enter their life. You don't go putting on your nice clothes, combing your hair, wearing nice shoes and go out only to come home to your parents house and family dog, right? When you're putting yourself out there for the whole world to see, you got to 'want' someone to take notice. Flirt a little if necessary. Make eye contact. Flaunt what you got. Make someone take notice to the point that the other person really wants to know you better. You need to focus on your 'intention' of getting someone in your life and only than can it happen.

There are lot of individuals out there that know this little 'secret' already. They just have it and they use this sexual aura to their favour. It's easy for them to be able to get anyone they want. Some women can make men turn their heads even if the guy is walking on the street with another woman. Guys can bring out a smile from a girl on the other side of the room and flirt with her twenty feet away with her not taking her eyes off him. The power of this sexual aura can also be sensed by the same gender at that present moment. By this I mean that another woman or man can sense that energy off the person that is personifying it.

Let me advice you further. These individuals are normally envied by others because other people want that type of charisma but don't seem to posses it. They look at movie stars and singers and long for that sort of life. They slog and work their jobs and feel depressed that they have no one to come home to. Their self esteem becomes low as well.

All this can change with just one simple magic rule. Those that possess this work it very well and lots of times they don't try hard anymore because they know it works for them. Even than it works when their no even trying. What is it? I said before, the individual must focus with the 'intention' of what they want. They can than get anyone they put their mind to. What you put out will return with a flood of those who have the same 'intentions' as well. You may be surprised that you'll have too many to handle after that. Just imagine than try it.

Bar advice. Loosen up. What have you got to loose? Doesn't matter what age you are. It works for all.


Lots of us have so many things going on in our lives. It could be the office, home, planing a party or maybe a holiday itinerary. We may be forced to remember things that we know were bound to forget. So, what do you do? Well, you make a to-do-list.

Here Sasha Cagen has compiled a book of list that people have sent her. Some are things that we might write down ourselves but some are just so hilarious.

This is one that you need to get. It will make you laugh and think about the people that wrote it. To-Do List is both a celebration of lists and a peek at the lists that others create. Broken down by subjects like "Daily Lists" to "Sex Lists," it's a fascinating collection of lists from everyday people to the well-known.This also comes from her popular blog.

Bar advice. The only advice I can give you is get the book. What list have you done before?


Friday, November 9, 2007

Moving on

I guess it's the same all over the world when it comes to people breaking up or divorce. They can't seem to be able to move on. Women especially have a really hard time.

There are days of tears and pain that the heart feels and a sense of loss. Lots of times the person that feels the worse may actually be the one that made the situation difficult. They may not even be aware that there was a problem till it was too late. Many guys make a fatal mistake by taking their partners for granted. they believe that even if they did something wrong they would be forgiven and all will be fine. Guys have been too pampered by their mothers to know what a wife or girlfriend really is.

Loosing sight that your partner as an individual will damage the relationship. Being upfront, honest and open minded that your partner is faithful to you and the relationship will stir both people in the right way. Letting him or her live their life while still being together is better than to smutter them with affection while restraining them all together. This makes the other person turn to deceptive methods of doing the things that they want to do and if found out will be explosive to the relationship.

Moving on after the relationship is over can be hard. Most people, especially women, find it difficult to trust another man again. It all depends on what they went through before and the cause of the split. Guys fear that the next girl will turn out to be the same, if not worse, than the first one. The sense of trust really will have been faded and there's no security blanket for a broken heart. Some go on for years alone after a break up and later find that it may be too late by the time their ready to hit the dating scene again.

The right choice for people would have to be a open dialogue between themselves so that all mistrust and misunderstandings are ironed out. The relationship should have certain goals and both will need to fulfill them. Expectations will need to be met as well. Communication must be constant and intentions need to be truthful. Following this will makes things better if you're moving on to a new person so you don't fall flat on your face again and your heart won't hurt as well.

Bar advice. Ask yourself, better still ask your partner, why you're in the relationship. The answers may surprise you.

Monday, November 5, 2007

Making a first date a good one

This is more for the guys really but it also applies to ladies on certain points. When you're out on that first date, it's a mindset at the very first appearance in front of the other, you'll either sink or swim.

The way you approach, greet, talk and lead is going to make a girl feel comfortable with you. Women sometimes need to give the guy a little break because most guys are nervous when it comes to dating. Being on a first date makes everyone a little dumb and clumsy. Can you imagine the guy trying to pull your chair out at the table to sit and letting you slip on the floor instead of sliding it back in for you? Disaster big time.

Another thing will be having the meal. It's no big deal to order something you're familiar with than ordering something on the menu that sounds nice but taste like crap later and makes you go to the toilet every ten minutes. For a guy it may not be bad but for a girl going in the loo with her high heals and dress, disaster again.

What to say on the first date? You know what most guys do, they ask the same thing that the woman heard before. Once again calamity in the works. How? By making it boring. Flooding it with common and mundane topics. Such "yawn topics" include "Do you like your job?" "What does you parents do?" "What hobbies do you have?" She'll answer but her mind goes mostly "Zzzzzzzz..." By now she must be thinking this is not just your first date but your only date you ever had.

No one likes to answer predictable questions from dates gone by. A guy needs to stand out from the rest of the wolf pack. Something a guy can do is take time to read some women magazines. Be it your sister's or from the doctors office. Check out what's the latest gossip. You could also go online to check celebrity news or Hollywood drama. These things sometimes helps especially when it involves her favorite stars. The conversation becomes lively and heated, not in anger, but with lustful imagination and sexy, playful thoughts. Ask her who she likes best and if you got some stuff on him, use it to stimulate her inner feelings. It will surface and you benefit from her hormones. The quiet evening will become a rock concert.

Possibly, if you know her interest before hand, gather info on her interest then research it so you have something to chat about. You also got to let her do some talking and you some listening.

You got to end the evening with something to make her want to go out with you for another date. What to say? Tell her you want to cook her dinner and watch movies with the same celebrity you were just talking about for your next date. You could also tell her you want to go dancing on the next date and tell her she can't say No because you won't be able to take her strolling by the beach on the third one. These planed and thoughtful things will get her off guard and pleasantly surprised by a different sort of guy that she's never been with before. You'll be amazed to find that she's the one calling you to say goodnight on the phone; an indicator that she's thinking of you.

Women sometimes like a guy but just won't say it so the guy tends to feel pressured to end the date quickly before, and I'll say it again, disaster strikes. He'd rather save whatever self esteem he still has and head for the hills, so to speak. At this point I must say that women are the ones that sometimes don't know what to do. They expect the guy to know and do everything all the time so he has to do all the moves to succeed but in reality she should try to make the situation a little more pleasant as well and not so stressful. What harm can it do to meet a guy half way in the date. He'll sense it as well and knows that you placed some effort in it. This will make him more at ease and your date will be all the more fun.

Bar advice. Dating is suppose to be fun. Not a chore that needs the approval of another or you'll be going on"first dates" for a long time to come and never get to the second, third or more.


What can I say? Faults, we all got them. These faults can be something psychical, in our character, what we say, our behaviour or how we work. There's also the strengths and weaknesses that we have in dealing with others like family, friends and the relationship were in.

Stop what you're doing right now and go look at yourself in the mirror. Do you like what you see? At times I don't. If you say you do then great but most will agree with me that they would rather change something that they see as an imperfection. Why? It's just that people want to be seen the way they want others to see them so what they were born with is never good enough. Look at the women that go for beauty pageants. Do you think they got there because they were born like that? Most had stuff done before they joined the pageant. For some the mirror is a friend. For others it's their worst nightmare.

Lets look at what we are like inside. Everyone has faults in their character and being. How they behave and what they do can make the most handsome man or beautiful woman look ugly. Kindness and gentleness towards others sometimes seems soft and wimpy to some. It doesn't go well in the business and that's why a lot of women have a though time in the corporate world. Being shy won't land you that job. Gossiping about others will label you a bitch. Doing whatever the boss says makes you a "yes" man. Taking on extra works puts you in bad light with others because they think you're over ambitious. No one will talk to you because they think you're in cahoots with the boss.

Even going to lunch can be difficult. People start to criticize everything about you and even make fun about your clothes, the way you eat, the way you talk or what your hairstyle is like. If you're a woman it gets worse when all the other ladies are gossiping rumours about an affair that never happened but someone tarnished your reputation by making stuff up. They talk about your short shirt, low cleavage blouse, your shoes or your flirting (made up) with male colleagues. Guys have to worry about their language and comments with their female counterparts or find a sexual harassment complaint go up to the boss. Are all these faults that need correcting? Who is really at fault here?

In a relationship it can get really bad as well. Some people end up in divorce because the person they marry turns out to be a monster in disguise. You ask, "what happened to that sweet boy that brought me flowers?" or " why is this girl stuffing her face with so much food everyday that she now looks like a watermelon?" We find that the person we went out with and the person we live with are from different planets. Some live like slobs and expect everyone to pick after them even after marriage. Some like to cut their toenails on the bed or pick their nose and flick the booger out the window. They forgot that they had individual lives before. The smallest of things eventually adds up and divorce or a break up happens. All this is just what happens at home. Can you imagine going out in public?

All these faults are just the tip of the iceberg. There's some far worse than this. We all got them. We're not perfect and we can never be. However, we can change ourselves. Habits and life choices can be altered. We sometimes forget that others see us differently and we don't see all these faults till it's pointed out to us. Take the advice from good friends or love ones and you might just find a huge change in your life.

Bar advice. The seven deadly sins are the extreme ends of this but there are people that have them. Stay clear of these ones.

Sunday, November 4, 2007

What happened to the sex?

What happened to the sex? Over time, without careful attention, sex can become routine and then fade from a relationship, sometimes altogether. Consider that the average couple has sex once a week. How does that bode for the slightly below average, or worse, those on the bottom of the fulfilling sex life scale?

While doing it less than ten times a year is the "technical" qualification for a celibate relationship, the reality is, if you're concerned about the infrequency of sex in your pairing, it's time to address the issue before it gets too late.

Sex is a normal, healthy part of human existence despite societal hang ups and prudishness. Intolerance for sexuality, sexual desire and sexual preference is ignorant and shows a fundamental lack of understanding of the human body. That doesn't mean anyone who has hang ups about sex is bad or wrong. We live in a culture that simultaneously demonizes and glorifies all things sex related. As such, it's no wonder so many of us are confused about the acceptability of our urges and what sex should truly be.

We do have to consider religious views of this subject but most people don't have a problem with sex. Certain things may be taboo but the individual has to want sex with their partner. If you want to have a healthy relationship, one that is satisfying for both partners and complete in its scope, it's time to face your issues and work through them or move on. Sex is the glue that holds a romantic love relationship together. Period. Take it away and when the tough times come, it'll be a whole lot harder to stand up together and power through them. It'll also be a lot harder to remain amicable and avoid resentment. We're human beings and when we're healthy, we need sex. It's actually good for us.

So what do you do if you're in a sex free relationship? As with most things in life, it's crucial to come to a place of understanding. If you look back over the time you've been with your partner, can you place where the sex stopped? Was it simple and clear cut or was it gradual? Was it the result of sexual differences or the product of a series of stressful situations. Did one or the other of you decide you "just didn't feel like it," until that became the status quo? These things tend to happen to married couples more but it can also happen to singles especially those that have been together for a long time. If the fire of making love is dwindling, you better do something soon.

You should consider how long you've been together. Monotony between the sheets is pretty common in a long term relationship or marriage and the investment is such that it's worthwhile to put in the effort to fix things. But if you've only been together a few months and you find yourself looking elsewhere or not looking at all, how much is it really worth to turn things around? Can that even be done? Is it possible you're just not the right match? It's hard to face, but it happens. Chemistry is complicated and you can't beat yourself up for that. You can simply address the issue and move on. While it may be tough in the moment, when you're in a successful, physically intimate and fulfilling relationship down the road, you'll know you made the right decision.

Whatever answers thoughtful analysis brings you, it's also vital not to blame yourself or your partner. Relationships are a two way street and both of you may have allowed this behavior to continue. That said, accepting responsibility for your role in the situation may do a lot toward remedying it, if that's what you both want to do. If you can approach your partner with an honest apology for your part in letting things get to this point, they're going to be more likely to reciprocate and to work with you to get things back on track in the bedroom. However, understand this, if you're not having sex, the problems most likely extend beyond the closed doors of your boudoir.

While it's possible that your sex free zone has arisen out of physical problems (if you or your partner are experiencing prolonged diminished desire, it's worthwhile to speak to a doctor), these situations often present a chicken or the egg conundrum. In other words, did you stop feeling desire first or did something happen to decrease your desire? No matter the situation, only you can decide if or when it's time to leave. Many sexual problems can be resolved with effort and dedication. There are some schools of thought that say "fake it til you make it" and the desire will come back. How you choose to handle it is up to you but remember this, accepting less than what you want in a relationship sends the sign that you're willing to settle and a lifetime without sex is a whole lot more compromise than it's worth.

Bar advice. Making love with someone you're in love with is suppose to be the best there is and cannot be expressed into words what the heart is feeling. If you don't have this feeling, you're in trouble.