No feelings

I often hear people say that after going out with a lady once, how come she wouldn't want to go out with them again. If you guys are asking the same, you'd be treated with this 'final answer' that once and for all lays that question to rest.

A majority of the women coincidentally say, "Because there were NO FEELINGS" to the guy when the date ends. It may seem too unclear, so let's explore what does "no feelings" mean exactly when women say that. Firstly, when a woman goes out with a guy the first time, she's hoping it would be different on that new date as compared to other disappointing ones she went to. She secretly craves to feel some emotions on a date. Hopeful that the guy can spark some special interest in her. In cases where there's zero emotions generated, she tells her friends or colleagues the next day how much the date, or the guy, sucked. She also uses these words to get out of guys that are pester her constantly to go out or who she feels may disclose that he likes her.

Opposite is true too. When she did experience feelings on a date, she'll tell her friends how much she wanted to see that guy again. So, on an unspoken level, a woman wants to feel three primary emotions on a date.

1)She wants to feel you are interesting. That means having a 'thrill factor' and fascination associated with interacting with you. Most dates are called 'boring' by ladies simply because she experienced a lack of something new. As a guideline, the amount of giggling and smiles from the female is a fair measure of how interesting the experience is. Use that as a measurement device for the amount of interest you generate on a date. However, being interesting alone is not enough sometimes.

2)She wants feelings of getting attracted to you. Human beings have 'mating habits', just like any other species on earth. Within these mating habits, there are "rules" that define what makes a man "high mating quotient" and what makes him a person of "low mating quotient". The good news is, man is a 'self-correcting' species, with the ability to learn and turn from low to high mating quotient. On a date, it's your role to reflect the super male traits that women naturally get attracted to in a man. This is no bull. It's instinctive in females since the dawn of mankind and caveman days when trying to develope a realtionship.

3)She wants to feel she bonded with you. You may have the most interesting things to say, but if you don't know how to create closeness or bridge the gap between you and her, the date may not work out well. It's a pity when some guys go out with women and spend the whole day chatting but in the end nothing is done to pull close the distance. You may get a shot at another date but if it happens again you'll be pushed to the "friends" list in her book.

So, the date is simply a 'frame of time' that gives you an opportunity to bring about the above feelings in the gal. One thing's for sure, you'll definitely find yourself in dating situations with women in future. Since it's going to be unavoidable, try to masterfully ace that date. How; is going to be up to you guys really.

Bar advice. There will be times when a lady just 'clicks' with you right off the bat. Well, don't waste too much time thinking about what skills to use. Let things take a natural course.

Flirting tips and relationship advice for women

Flirting is your way of letting the opposite sex know that you're "on the prowl". How available you are determines how you flirt and how serious you are about making and taking things to the next level. Here we'll discuss tips on how women can flirt with positive results. This is not a discussion about women being equals or being submissive to a male, but rather a primer on tactics that will attract interest to men. Everything that comes after you have gotten his interest is up to you and your style. The relationship advice portion is added to expand on what can happen.

Now, everybody enjoys looking at something they find appealing and you don't want him to think you don't have an interest in him do you? Best beginning is to glace over to him often until you have gotten a contact of about two seconds. This will establish the setting. If you're insecure about this you'll perhaps find it difficult to hold his gaze for a moment longer than you should but you really must look at him to begin the flirting process. Looking away will will throw him off and that's hardly what you want, is it? If you're really confidant, don't go making the reverse mistake by staring at him. Men may love it but in reality, being stared at makes a person feel awkward and embarrassed. The best is a balance of looking into his eyes and then looking down to break the tension. Most women do this almost naturally but that too may not work. Why? Well, a guy won't know to if he should approach or if you're just looking for a hair pin that dropped. He may just leave you alone and you'll get nowhere.

Another key element would be to smile. Naturally most women do if they're talking to someone but even if you're just looking from a far keep it on because you never know who else may be interested. If a guy sees a smiling face he may be more at ease to approach even if he was not the intended person directed. When he talks, smile in appropriate places and be conscious of your smile as you talk. Don't sit there with a false grin or he'll think you've forgotten to take your medication. A smile shows interest and best of all, it's contagious. If you combine this with appropriate eye contact it will begin to solidify your hold over him and you can progress to the next step.

Keeping interest. Nobody likes it when someone ignores them or doesn't pay attention to them. Guys find it hard enough trying to talk to women. If you don't show interest in what he does or says, he's going to think you're not interested and if he starts shifting interest to your girlfriends or someone else, don't blame him. People leading busy lives fail to remember to take a little to vest in the interest of the person they're with. This is also true for men with women.

Conversation should be light and easy. It should also be flowing with fun and talking about interesting subjects won't bore anyone. If you've been out several times already maybe you can start to share some deeper conversations about relationship concerns but if you don't think it's the right time, leave it out. No necessity for heavy commitments at the beginning. If you start to pressure a guy into a deeper relationship after the first or few meetings, he's going to run for the hills. He's either going to think you've just ended a relationship and you're on the rebound, isn't ready and is just jumping at whatever falls in your lap at the moment or you're completely psychotic. Very rarely, but, who in their right mind starts a relationship that quick and with someone you barely know? Are you that desperate?

Behaviour is something that a lot of guys are always checking. What do I mean by this? A lot of guys like it when their girls are at their sides. They may talk to others but they appreciate it, especially when talking among other guys, that the girl will touch them, hold their hand or place it on their shoulder leaning a little. Maybe even a kiss before heading to the ladies room. This is because men want to feel like the women they're with really wants them. She's not interested in anyone else there and she's not looking anymore. Another thing is women that get drunk or really high tend to change into some witch from the depths of the piss pot. She's not only taking loudly but she's demeaning him, scolding, shouting, crying, showing tantrums like a kid and worse of all her clothes are either coming off or parts of her are being exposed to everyone. No guy wants anything to do with YOU if you're like that.

Being a secret friend can be a decider in a blossoming relationship. What's that you ask? They guy likes it when you tell him a secret about yourself. Let it be something that others don't know but also isn't damaging to you if you two break up later on. Also keeping him in confidence about work and family difficulties makes a guy feel that you value him enough to seek his advice or opinions. Try also to get him to open up to you in this manner and as time goes by you two will be sharing stuff like you were already husband and wife for years. So you see, my relationship advice and flirting tips for women could be beneficial to you.

Bar advice. There's obviously more than meets the eye on all these flirting tips and relationship advice but these are some good factors to consider when the next guy comes along.

The wonder of girls

Therapist Micheal Gurian probes the unique aspects of girls' emotional, social and physical development. First, though, he takes a few stabs at feminism, arguing that several of its theories (which, it must be noted, he incorrectly over simplifies) need to be revised or even discarded by parents seeking to raise healthy girls. But Gurian's trademark is examining how biology impacts behavior. Biological matters hormones, brain differences (girls' brains are "more broadly active" than boys' and have 15% more blood flow) ultimately define girls' and boys' journeys through childhood and adolescence, Gurian argues in his book, The wonder of girls.

Even a girl's drop in self-esteem during adolescence is a "natural," biological phenomenon rather than a result of negative cultural influences. Feminists, he argues, have ignored the biological differences in order to successfully compete with men in the workplace; in so doing, they have denied or downplayed a girl's desire for intimacy and the experience of motherhood. Gurian urges parents to use a new model in raising girls (he calls it "Womanism") in which motherhood is a "season" when careers must be adjusted or put on hold. The author boldly suggests that parents prepare their daughters for the sacrifices of motherhood, and ensure that girls establish a three family system (the nuclear family, the extended family and institutions such as church or school) that will meet their need for intimate relationships. Expect Gurian's arguments to stir controversy and inspire thought.

Bar advice. This may just tick off some women out there but there's a lot of stuff that's beneficial for girls this day and age that is lacking in modern day. Read to see.

Anal Sex - How to get them to Want It

This is a continuation of people that are inquisitive about the taboo subject of anal sex. It may help with some of the questions for those trying to get your partner to have it with you. Don't get me wrong, there's also a lot of girls that are happy doing it and will want you to do it or expect you to.

Probably the slow approach is best. Some girls that may already have done it and want's to do it with you may not tell you that they like it or want it at first so that they don't look eager. After all they don't want to be seen as sluty or easy. Taking it slower is best and all will come together.


The taboo about this subject is something that covers it being "bad", "not good", "evil", "not done by others", "immoral" and so on. These taboos are normal and natural to expect because this was designed as an "out hole" and not an "in hole". Check all avenues to clear your minds of what you need to know. Also check out www.askdanandjennifer.com for more help. Lets hope these two You Tube videos are some help in the matter.


Bar advice. What you do in the privacy of your own bedroom is up to you. Just remember that a girl showing her leg above the knee use to be taboo. Would you consider it silly today?

Anal sex

In today's world, anal sex is not seen as taboo as some time ago. It has become part of mainstream sexual intercourse. In previous years, some twenty perhaps, anal sex in X-rated movies was really the "extreme". Those that see and do it now feel it is normal. Back then it was unthinkable.

I guess it was just a matter of time before it did become mainstream but for a lot of women it is still something that they are not use to. After all they're not porn stars putting on a show. They're not use to it and a lot of them probably feel that it hurts too much to be considered as pleasurable. It's hard enough trying to understand and enjoy the normal sexual parts of the body and now they have to figure out what's lacking or what they may be missing out on. That's the thoughts they are having and the worst thing is, they don't have anyone to talk to about this subject when they may have boyfriends or husbands that have asked for it.

I know, I know, you women are going to say "he's just going to have to live without it" but guess what; you're curious too. Women today have probably seen the act itself on the Internet or photos spread in some networking website like Myspace or Tagged. The photos will be splashed all over by people trying to seek the attentions of others that enjoy it. The modern day woman is more eager to try new things as well. She will certainly be keen to talk to other woman who have done it or at least get information about the sexual pleasure or discomforts it brings. Women don't want to lose out on anything but they also like to be armed with knowing what their man likes and seeks from a woman.

No, we mustn't count out the secretive world of women that do certain things behind closed doors either. She may have read it in a book, seen a video, talked to a girlfriend that's done it or checked online but one thing that women have that they can rely on to help them adjust if they are going ahead to experiment is, the trusty vibrator. Gels and lubricants can easily be bought so it's going to be easy for her to try it herself without any embarrassments, "forced" pain from a guy or stopping the act of love making half way to the displeasure of her man. They wouldn't want to have their man think that they're not "experienced" or their sexual knowledge is primitive. Of course, the guy may have never done it before either, so he's not about to start asking for anal sex unless he's more knowledgeable. Now the tables have turned.

Men have probably heard, talked about it or seen the act being done more so than women. Instinctively they will probably be more curious because anal sex is also different to them as well. Another place to insert for sexual pleasure needs to be checked out. To be absolutely blunt, unless the woman's been doing it for years, the feeling is one where it will feel tighter and more pleasurable to the man especially when she squeezes and contracts the muscles to ease the pain she may feel. In that process she's unknowingly giving more pleasure to the man without her realizing it. He will just keep stroking back and forth happily while she resists due to pain. However, if she has mentally prepared and is willing, all she has to do is to apply lubricant, resist as little as possible to his motion and she'll probably also enjoy herself. It may take a few times to become easier but it can be satisfying. As I've been told by women.

I know there's a lot of women that will say they are happy with just normal intercourse, maybe some extras, and that's fine. My point here is for those that are in a sexual relationship and want to experiment with each other or for their own pleasure. This is just some relationship advice for them. It's also better to talk to someone about it before proceeding but my advice on this is to talk among yourselves. Why? Well, you two are the ones that will be doing it. Discussing what will happen, the pain threshold, stoppage if there's bleeding(there can be) and whatever comes to mind can be worked out by the lovers easier than someone telling you what to do. It may just make one or both more scared than they already are.

Making love in new ways will keep evolving. No woman sucked on a man's penis before or a man licking a woman at her Virgina. That was unheard of in the western world except that written in the Karma Sutra. The evolution starts when people find new ways of sexual pleasure or desire. It begins with a few but spreads quickly when others find new things pleasurable as well. It slowly becomes acceptable in mainstream sexual intercourse when doctors educate people that it's not a taboo subject or a taboo act anymore. Not just anal sex but anything else that may come in the future.

Bar advice. Anal sex is here to stay. I didn't invent it but someone asked me about it and I had avoided the subject on the blog for some time now but I felt that I have to address it at some point. Probably again in the future as well.

The trill of being sought after

Going out with women on dates can result in the female having positive emotions about you. Only if you know how to make it not just an ordinary date but one that connects with thrills and emotion exchanges.

Some pointers here. Most guys miss the point. They sweat over which restaurant to bring the girl or which movie will be 'date friendly', etc. The real deal in getting the lady interested is in your interaction with her. Never ever come across like the last five typical dudes a lady has went out with. That doesn't mean you have to dress weird or speak with a funny voice but you must have an ability to inject the "fun factor" at various points during the date. When you're out on a date, you can't simply see yourself as just a 'possible suitor' for the lady. You have to be a "chemistry creator". Learn to "engineer" feelings of liking in women.

The point here is to be a little creative. Do new things that may influence her thoughts about you. Will she remember you after the date? What will her reaction be when she's meeting you the next time, if ever? Did she say she was thinking about you when you called her again? The fact is what you do or say is vital in leaving a good impression to have return invites to meet up with her and possibly further interactions that may also lead to intamacy.

Sometimes it's good to do something surprising. Sending flowers to her office for no reason is one. Why her office? Well, all her colleagues will start to envy her having a thoughtful and romantic guy. She'll smile all day and will be willing to meet up. Another way is showing up to take her to some place special. Now this is a bit tricky. Don't go picking her up when she's dressed all casual with hair and make up out of wack. She'll feel totally out of place with you all spiffy and she looking like drab. Make sure you call, and in the conversation, try to slowly find out what she's dressed like that day so you can plan properly.

Keep this in mind. Women that think they have the upper hand are happier in the relationship. They will play hard to get, although they actually like you. This is because they also like the "chase". They also like to see how well you are at catching their hearts. The trill of being sought after, the hunt, is a game played long ago by women for all time. It's not new and will continue till the end of time.

Bar advice. We guys just have to learn how to master some new ways to get what we desire. Women are not as complex if you just find those certain likes of theirs.

Women's psychology

I'm going to dabble into some women's psychology that most men either don't know or dont get. Now, most guys don’t worry too much about their reputation but for women, reputation is very important. Most women won’t do something if it might make them look easy in front of their friends. Their modesty as a lady must also be in tact.

The good news is, when they’re alone, most women are up for much the same kind of stuff that men are up for. Sometimes though, you need to wait until the friends aren’t around to see both sides of a woman. Relationships that we see television, it always works like this, shows women are dying for relationships and guys are afraid to commit. Well guess what? It’s the opposite. In the vast majority of situations, it is guys who scare women away by being too clingy. For 90% of women (under 30), the only kind of commitment they want from you is a commitment to hang out with them again, call them in the morning and not be a complete dick.

It goes without saying, guys often feel this need to talk things out and explain things logically that often is awkward and lame to women. For example, guys feel compelled to say things like "I like you", when the smooth thing to do would be to just kiss her. If you did, chances are she already knows it. If she’s still hanging out with you, she probably likes you too. Dummy!

Another good example of this is the "relationship talk". You know the talk, sometimes it happens before sex, sometimes it happens after, but you’re sitting in bed with a girl and you feel compelled to put your cards on the table. You tell her you really like her but you want her to know that you're not really interested in an exclusive relationship at present. Even worse, “I want to sleep with other women”. This is not the way. Seeing and being with other people is alright but give a little respect to the one that's also with you. She may also be doing the same with other guys but she'll keep that to herself. In part to do with her modesty as well.

Most women don’t really care that much about what you do when they’re not around, unless you’ve explicitly boxed yourself into the boyfriend role. Don't hint that you're being monogamous with any women you're seeing and they'll never ask if you're sleeping with other women. Don’t ask, don’t tell is the best policy. It’s not dishonesty . Always answer any question truthfully, and never deliberately mislead a woman. It’s simply the fact that emotionally, women don’t really care what you do when they’re not around, as long as you’re good to them when you’re together. If you're the boyfriend it's a different game. Being single and unattached is what's going on in her mind as well but you just haven't got it yet.

Bar advice. A huge thing to remember about women, and here's a little relationship advice, they hate being played in games and especially liars. You'll be forever black listed and even all her friends will know. Don't do it.

Women and dating

There's a misconception that many men have about dating women, the idea that you have to focus all your efforts on "just one". This is an interesting problem since many of the clichés in our modern life tend to advise us against this kind of thinking in general but, when it comes to women, so many men simply ignore it.

Here are some of these types of clichés. "Don't put all your eggs in one basket." Translation when applied to women and dating, "Don't put all your effort into just one woman." Another will be, "Don't count your chickens before they are hatched." Translation when applied to women and dating, "Don't assume your effort with one particular chick will pay off(so put some effort into other chicks just in case)." Lets look at something from the financial world. "Diversify your portfolio". Any of you who have ever invested in stocks are probably familiar with this one. Instead of buying just one or two stocks, you should have multiple stocks. That way if just one stock goes bad or even a few different stocks that you have in just one industry then you aren't wiped out.

Translation when applied to women and dating: "Date more than one woman at a time." I know all the women are furious at me but plaese keep reading. If we sat here long enough we could come up with a number of other analogies, but you get the point. So why is it that a lot of guys try to date just one girl when somuch common sense would tell them to do otherwise? Don't get me wrong, once you are in a relationship with a woman and she is your girlfriend already, then that can be just fine if that is what you like. I am talking about when a guy focuses all his energy on just one girl who isn't his girlfriend yet in the hope that she will someday become his.

A few main reasons for this type of thing is he doesn't want to "get caught" dating other women. He really likes this girl so much that he doesn't want to date other women. He doesn't have confidence in his ability to get another woman. Lets examine each case. In the first case, the guy is giving in to social pressure to be agood guy. His real desire may be to date different women at the same time, but he knows that if any of the women he dates finds out they might get mad or offended. He is letting the possibility of other people's negative reactions that haven't even happened yet rule his behavior. The fact is that some women often date a lot of different men all at once. They do their best to hide it but it can be a double standard where they will date other guys but expect the men they date to only date them. Given that you don't want to get played, and the fact that you should follow your own desires, the solution is to date as many women as you want initially.

In the second case, the guy just isn't interested in anybody else so he concentrates all his efforts on just one woman that he does like. It's as if he has blinders on to the fact that there are other women more beautiful and personable than her. This is alright if she clearly likes him in return, but if he only hopes she will like him someday then he is acting crazy. This is because usually if a woman doesn't like you within your first meeting, she is unlikely to change her mind unless a miracle happens. The real truth is that no matter how amazing a woman may seem, there is always one better somewhere, and even if there were not, its not worth wasting your time for too long if she will never return your affection.

The third case is maybe the worst, its when a guy latches onto the first woman that gives him even the slightest sign of attraction because he is not confident in his ability to meet other women. All of these problems can be solved with the right mindset and knowledge. So the 'takeaway' for today is, if you find yourself only dating one woman who you aren't even physical with yet and getting nowhere, you should not feel guilty about dating other women. You will gain lots of experience, and will have more success for in the future.

Bar advice. The true fact that women date more than one guy at the same time but is never questioned, should tell you that you haven't given yourself all there is to pick the right one either.

Kissing woes for guys

If you're so new to experiencing success with women that you find yourself hesitating to kiss them, even when you're alone with them, this is for you. Even for those guys out there who are otherwise doing find but can't seem to transition easily to kissing, this is still helpful.

Alright, you're alone with her, or at least a private area with her, she's sticking around in a way that indicates she's interested and you want to kiss her but you mentally freeze up. If you've been in this situations too many times, and didn't go for it, chances are you eventually lost the girl's interest and the only result you got was a lingering feeling for days, "I should have kissed her." You know if the moment is gone, so is your chance. Like Nike says, "Just do it." That would work. Maybe. It works theoretically because you can read that when there are no girls around and think in your mind, "Hell, yeah, next time I'm going to "just do it!" Then when next time comes around, you're hesitating again and still unsure of yourself. Instead I will give you a fool proof method to not only successfully kiss her, but to do so in a way you will find fun and allow you to skip past your hesitation.

She could be talking, drinking, fiddling with her hair, listening to you talk, or just plain sitting there like a lump on a log. It doesn't matter. Getting over the kissing woes for guys could be simple. May not work on all girls but is good to know. Just move towrds her slowly and look at her for a sec, then her bare neck, then back at her eyes(her eyes will be following yours by now) and then go in and start licking and kissing her where shoulder meets her neck. She will make freaky noises and giggle and then you come up for air after a few seconds and smile. Then ask her one of two possible questions. "How did it feel?" or "Do you want to know what it feels like?" Either way, kiss her on the lips, without waiting for an answer. It doesn't matter how she responds to the question, her openness to your kissing her is now increased by a factor of ten because you just did something outrageous, flirty, fun, and sexy.

If she didn't like it and pushes you away, it's probably not you. It could be though. Possibly she's not all that ready to move further or isn't experienced as yet. At least you got a kiss in. Once a girl I kissed looked at me stone cold after I did that and asked, "Why did you do that?" and I said "Because I wanted to know if you're as hot as you look." She laughed and we kissed more. Other times just went like clockwork. Shrieks, laughing, then kissing. Yes, if you look at this logically, it's retarded, but it accomplishes something that "just do it" lacks. It JUST DOES IT. So get out there and just lick it.

Bar advice. Not every girl wants to be kissed so soon. You got to make a judgement call on the right timing. First dates, it's a No No but it does work for some when it's tried.

Model, VJ, TV and Movie star, Anne Curtis

Some time ago I wrote about meeting people online. I said that you never knew who you might just get to know. The last person I talked about was this model cum porn star that I got to know and although very nice, is nothing compared to my latest new friend that I got to know a few weeks ago.

I didn't know who she was at first. I sought of dug a little about her online later on to discover that she's the mega star of iconic perportions in Philippines and many other parts of the world. A model, VJ, TV, movie star and my friend Anne Curtis.

I'm certainly glad that she allowed me to get to know her better. Funny thing was it was all over a comment I made about pictures of her and her cleavage. She even joked back to me about it. She's a really funny girl but best of all she's a star in my books. Here's a You Tube video of her celebrating her birthday two days ago.

Bar advice. It's funny how life works sometimes. I'm not kidding myself to think that I'll end up with her but I also have to think, "why not"? Never stop youself from what seems impossible.

Feelings of insecurity

A lot of people feel insecure when meeting someone new and even during the beginning stages of dating. If, however, you are in a steady relationship with a caring partner, and you have nagging insecurities about yourself and your partner, something deeper may be going on.

Insecurity often stems not from reality but from fear. Fear of rejection, fear of intimacy, and even fear of losing your identity may all come into play. It is likely that you may have also carried these insecurities over from a past relationship, and now are allowing them to wreak havoc on your current one. Of course, if you feel insecure it is next to impossible to have a healthy relationship as it can manifest in many ways.

Making you feel that you don’t deserve your partner. Accusing your partner of infidelity. Becoming codependent. Envying other people and/or their relationship. Possessiveness. Meanwhile, the more insecure you feel, the more you are likely to distrust your partner, attempt to control him or her, or avoid discussing future plans. All of which can ultimately lead to what you fear. A relationship break up situation. You may have already been through one before and another is not going to help your life in any way.

What can you do to break this cycle and feel confident in yourself and your relationship?

First, realize that only you, and not your partner, can give yourself inner strength. Security never comes from outside of yourself especially from another person. The best way to find security in a relationship is to bring your own inner security with you. Now, if you’re having trouble finding your inner security, all you have to do is release your feelings of insecurity, including the fear, the anxiety, the mistrust and the negative self-talk. If this sounds difficult, then you have not learned anything. With this advice, you will learn how to drop your insecurities as easily as you can drop a pencil.

Dealing with your feelings, the isuues and the other half of the relationship will not be easy. You got to put all your cards on the table and hopefully they do as well so that there is a common goal. This common goal will reduce all insecurities in the relationship because you now know that the other also had these insecure feeling and is trying to change themselves, their minds and the situation that's damaging the relationship.

If you have feeling of insecurity in a relationship, treat it as the feeling that it is and let it go. Take some time to rekindle the romance that may have dwindled. Keep in mind, however, that while many insecurities are, in fact, internal issues that need to be released, some may be legit. How can you tell the difference? If the feeling of insecurity persists even after some good releasing then it’s time to examine whether or not this is the right relationship for you.

Bar advice. Releasing can be done by one's self. It's not easy but if you need further help, you should seek professional help from a doctor.

The salesman's belief

Have you ever bought something nice? I bet the salesman was quite sure of himself that the item he wanted to sell you was the right one at the right price. Even more, he wanted you to know you were getting a great deal. Was it true? Maybe. Maybe not.

What you do know to be true is how much he wanted you to believe that he believed you were getting a great item at a great price. I don't know if you ended up buying it or not but would you have been as interested if the salesman himself was not? There are plenty of salesmen who can certainly lie and pretend, and may very well make good sales. However, the best salesmen truly believe what they're telling you. The salesman's belief in it is what makes it all the sweeter, as far as he's concerned, he can't get the sale unless you believe that he believes what he's saying. What better way to help that along than for him to actually believe his own words? Anyone can look at the specifications, observe the conditions, and make a logical judgment on whether the price on the sticker matches the value of the product. So what's the use of salesmen?

The reason is, most people can't make such big decisions to do big things unless someone talks them into it. The same is true in dating. In a sense, you are the product and you are the salesman for yourself. I am not saying to hang a price tag around your neck and start soliciting your body on a street corner, but effectively you are selling yourself, your personality, your positive traits, your values. You are selling this to the opposite sex so they will "buy" what you got. So think about this for a minute. If you didn't believe in your own product, how do you expect to get any sales?

You truly need to value yourself and see yourself as a great deal. You need to convince yourself until you can't believe anything other than 'you are a great deal'. When you can do that, you will be a lot closer to what you want than ever before. What is there to be afraid off? What is holding you back? If you don't see yourself as a "prize catch" or "best deal ever", how will others see it either? I am convinced you can do this.

Bar advice. The saleman's belief must be self thought. Now reflect on what you've been lacking and change the sales pitch of your life.

What is love?

Since it's the Valentines period I thought I'd also throw in some humour for all those who are alone and still single. It doesn't feel all that good being in that position but maybe this You Tube video, featuring Jim Carey, can put a smile on your face.

Bar advice. Look on the lighter side of things from time to time. It's not all that sad, really.

Happy Valentines day to you

You know, it's one day in the year that really gets people to think about love. It even beats out Christmas, Easter, birthdays and so on. Why is that? I guess it fills people with thoughts of happiness when they're with someone in their lives. For those that are single, it repesents hope and wishful thinking.

People get to send Valentines cards, flowers, candy and chocolate to almost everyone. It could be your mother,sister, a friend or colleague. A lot of single people tend to go to the bars and clubs to seek out other lonely souls out there like themselves. It's really the best day to spot other singles and to hook up with one another. Perhaps it's a day when people just feel like being with someone and not alone.

Lots of places will have reservations for dinner fully booked. Wine and champange will flow. Hugs, kisses, joy and laughter will be felt by lot of you. Hotel won't have any vacancies. Romance is in the air. Those alone should not feel too bad. Find a little happiness in your heart to know that there are others out there in the world that don't even know this day is Valentines. The suffering people in places that are ruled by dictators, famine hit, terroirst controlled, war torn or been hit by a natural disaster. Have a sparing thought for them and see that your need at this moment may not seem so bad after all.


Bar advice. Hope you all have a beautiful time this Valentines day. Party, enjoy and maybe even some of you will get a marriage proposal.

Breaking the silence

When you're on a date with a lady and the entire date is plagued with silence and "empty spaces" then I'm sure you know deep inside that chances of the girl being interested is close to zero. It sucks especially if that is the first date because if the first date is just chat, stop, chat, stop, then often times a woman will not want such boredom to repeat another time(otherwise known as "No second date").

How do we prevent such an outcome? One of the many "hidden weapons" you can use to stomp silence on dates is to bring up a scenario and talk about it. What is this? I'll get to it right now. The key here is to bring up an incident in life(a scenario), relate it to the woman and get her thoughts on it. One of the best scenarios comes from, "Other People's Relationships". It may be a dramatic relationship issue involving a third party. Your friends, cousins, colleagues, or some stranger you hardly knew. Here's how to apply it.

While talking to the woman, when you "detect" an empty space coming, or a silent pause had just begun, just lead smoothly into a scenario, and break out of the silence by relating an "Other People's Relationships" Scenario to her. Here's two scenarios to give you some ideas.

1)"This female classmate I knew from old school days wanted to audition for a talent quest and her boyfriend threatened to break up with her because he never liked showbiz. So let's say it happened to you. What will you do if you are her?"

2)"It's this old army friend I knew. He liked Beyonce a lot and he planned to go to the concert. At first, he wanted his girlfriend to go with him but her schedule didn't allow it. So in the end, he asked a lady friend to go and guess what? His girlfriend knew about it, kicked up a fuss and demanded he go to the concert by himself not with that lady. So now he's already bought the tickets and is stuck with an angry girlfriend. What do you think he should do?"

Once again, rid silent moments by placing a scenario into the interaction, then get her view on it. Conversations will re-generate from there. In all, the above is just one tactic to keep the conversation going. There's a lot more "conversation maintenance" secrets to ensure every interactions you have with women will flow instead of being a struggle. One other scenario secret you can use, and this one is easier since she can relate to it easier, is to talk about the latest on screen romances. It can be from the movies or television. Example would be asking her what she thought of the romance situations and relationships going on with some of the characters in Grey's Anathomy, Desperate Housewives or Ugly Betty for that matter. The trick here is to discuss what those characters and situations in normal peoples lives have in common or how they apply to what real life is or isn't in some cases.

This will get her excited because she gets to talk about some of her favourite people and what she likes that's going on in those shows. Normally it's a throw back to what she's seeking in a relationship or to the sort of guy she's into. This has not only broken the silence problem but has also given you the ammunition to dig a little deeper into her likes and dislike of men, relationships and whatever else that can benefit you. Two birds with one stone basically. Now you got more than cancelling the silence issue. She'll be opening her mouth almost non stop after you raise this scenario. Just one little tiny important thing to remember. Please be sure that you're either up to date or fairly know well, what's going on in these shows or the people. You'll need to be able to keep the conversation going about the characters in the shows, especially with questions being asked by her, and if you can't then guess what? Silence.

Bar advice. Breaking the silence is sometimes hard when trying to talk with someone you just met. Keep in mind a list of topics that you think will keep conversation. This will help.

How to make a woman happy?

There many things that we can do to make a woman happy. It's complicated yet ever so easy. Here's a little couple of notes to remember. Take your time and read through it slowly and carfully. Help your relationship a little with some understanding.




Bar Advice. For the guys it's not that easy but, yes, it's pretty much that simple. For the chicks, see why guys just don't get it.

Kissing a woman

IT is an experience that most people would remember. Their first French kiss. Some people would say it was a great experience while some would prefer not to mention it. A lot of us, it happened too fast, we forgot what happened even because we were too excited in the moment. Of course some of us were too young or didn't realize we were even doing it right. One thing we all know is that French kissing is a very delicate and sensual experience.

Research shows women's lips are one of their erogenous zone, so it's important for men to leave a lasting impression with women. If you French kiss her like no one else, you'll most likely to kiss something else of her next. know what I mean? The skill of kissing does not simply consist of knowing how to move your tongue inside a woman's mouth without hitting her tonsils. It involves the entire mouth. The lips, tongue, cheeks and the rest of the body.

Give the lady a hand. Position your hands on her body while kissing her. Hold her face, chhek area, firmly but gently as you slip your tongue inside her mouth and suck on her lips. This will definitely make her toes curl. Also, try to gently pull her hair back from the back or slightly squeezing the part of her body that is located right under her ribs. This could make for some very enticing kissing sessions.

Pay attention to the way she kisses. People often give out what they would like to receive, so pay attention to the way she kisses you. That could be an indication of the way she wants you to kiss her. Does she bite on your lips? Reciprocate. She will love you for it. Tell her what you like. Does your loved one kiss you like she's trying to suck the life out of your body? Does she kiss too fast, too slow, or without using her tongue? Some women like it slow and gentle while others like it a bit more rough and demanding. Try not to tell her what you don't like, but rather what you do like. That way you won't hurt her feelings.

Control her mouth. The next time you kiss her, hold her face with your hands tenderly and kiss her the way you would like to be kissed. If this doesn’t turn her on, then your sensual tongue will surely do the trick. Make it long lasting. Women love long, slow, juicy, and enticing kisses. Your partner will definitely feel your passion through one of those prolonged tender kissing moments. Just like in the movies, kiss her hard and deep.

One last method, that I like myself. If you can come from behind her, start kissing her from the shoulders upward. Remember that you are standing at the back of her at all times. This method can only be applied if she wearing something that's showing her shoulders. Now slowly kiss upward to the neck area. Get her to feel the intensity of what's to come. If you're already in a deeper relationship, you can hold her in an embrace that lets her feel your body toucing hers. Now, slowly start to kiss her and move to the front of her at the same time. Don't break the kissing but let it flow naturally. She'll start to react and if she's keen she'll start to take over or just react more so. Both may start to actually feel horny at this point but than again that's the whole point, isn't it?

Bar advice. Kissing a woman is suppose to be fun. Don't complicate it with a lot of applied technique. Relax, and the magic will happen.

Happy Chinese New Year 2008

2008 is the year of the Rat. According to the Chinese calender it is the return of the zodiac cycle. This is a "1 year" phase. It goes around every 12 years. This is also the year of the earth rat which comes about once every 60 years. It is said, not to be a good year for most people and it includes world economic difficulties, health issues, stock market turmoil and lots more. Lets see how it fares for you.

Rat
A like minded year when restless Rats refuse to settle into a routine. Your Yang essence takes the lead in romance during 2008. Cozy up to a home loving Ox, an outspoken Dragon or a fun-loving Monkey. This Rat year exacerbates your high strung disposition, and while this shouldn't affect your job productivity, it will definitely fray your nerves. Promotions are possible and money becomes more plentiful. Make certain that all business is kept on the up and up. Always plan for the future, as this will allow you to better enjoy the moment.

Ox
Due to the soulmate connection, Rat years are particularly good ones for Oxen. Your Yin essence balances well with the Yang Rat year energies. A family and security conscious year for you. Good financial luck, but be cautious not to spend too much. Many social events and opportunities for romance this year! Settle down with a clever Rat, a seductive Snake or brassy Rooster. Plant a garden, knit a new sweater or carve a custom set of furniture.

Tiger
Rat years are busy ones for Tiger natives and can be particularly exhausting, draining and depleting. 2008 is the “Steed” or action catalyst for you and extra caution is called for in any type of travel, change, or reevaluation this year. Expect delays, slow down and think all actions through carefully. Attending happy or joyful events such as weddings, births, reunions and celebrations. Although there may be difficulties, these will all be happily resolved by October. Be careful of romantic temptations which could affect your emotional and physical health.

Rabbit
The Rat and the Rabbit are in a “Peach blossom” or “Plum” relationship, responsible for romantic, even torrid love affairs. Rat years are filled with both passion and even danger for the Rabbit. Be cautious of commingling funds with or borrowing money from third parties. The Rat year may demand a commitment, which the detached and cautious Rabbit will resist. However, with 2008's energies, even reticent Rabbits could feel the urge to settle down. Don't be surprised if you become more of a committed finance rather than an artful dodger in 2008.

Dragon
A taste for novelty reins supreme for Dragons in 2008, and unpredictability rules the year. Dragon's feel like a new adventure is always just around the corner in Rat years and it promises to be one of activity and excitement. Financially, assets increase, but interpersonal tiffs may be troublesome. Candid, demanding and fond of being in the public eye, Dragons shine during Rat ruled periods. Best chance for serious romance in September's Rooster ruled month. Prepare the stage for an energetic evening with a feisty Rooster, a sarcastic Monkey or an eclectic Rat.

Snake
A four star year for Snakes when money and wealth flows in freely. When it comes to lovemaking the Snake is a master and virtuoso, and sex is something they are capable of surrendering themselves to, body and soul. Be cautious however, as this Rat year may increase your taste for forbidden fruit. Single Snakes may consider marriage or commitment during April or May. Now is the time to expand your social circle, networks and contacts which will lead to great financial benefits. Recognition by colleagues and an opportunity for carer advancement should make this a particularly enjoyable year.

Horse
Those born into Horse years are in opposition to the Rat and 2008 is a time for you to relax, vacation and take time for your physical, spiritual and mental health. A choice could be presented this year between your need for security and your need for independence. Never stop pursuing your dreams and ambitions, but keep everything status quo for now and wait for a more auspicious climate. Hold off on risky investments and be particularly cautious about anything that could cause problems with the law. Married Horses could be tempted by a love affair in July's Goat-ruled month.

Goat
The Rat year and the Goat can be a comedy of errors, but nothing that can't be mitigated with good humor. By the time the leisurely Goat wakes up to face the world, the energetic Rat has almost completed their day. Hyperactivity meets sloth in 2008 and the results can be inharmonious to say the least. Goats feel harried, hurried and hotheaded during Rat years, but careful planning will give you the edge. Journaling, writing poetry or putting pen to paper in any way will sooth your frazzled nerves and could produce some memorable work.

Monkeys
Monkeys will enjoy being in the compatibility trine (triangle) of harmony with this Rat year. April or May could see wedding bells ringing for you. Sexuality is explosive between Rat's and Monkey's and some exhausting nights of love await you in 2008. Intertwine your lovemaking with intellectual conversation from a sage Snake or discuss the cosmos with an otherworldly Dragon. You are in a very comfortable and prosperous position in 2008, but be discreet about your private life and selective in your social circles.

Rooster
The Rat and the Rooster are in a “Peach blossom” relationship, responsible for torrid love affairs, and 2008 can produce an emotional roller coaster ride for Rooster natives. This is a love/hate year of polarized emotions when your beloved will seem either enchanting or unbearable. This is a complicated pairing of energies and this Peach blossoms connection can easily become “forbidden fruit” so the utmost caution regarding romantic affairs is advised. Female Hens are very fertile year and pregnancy as well as marriage are strong possibilities. Build a cozy nest with a home loving Ox, sensual Snake or competent Dragon.

Dog
The relationship between the Rat and Dog resembles that of a parent/child power struggle with possible confrontations or misunderstandings. Don't borrow or use funds that are not yours for any reason this year and keep all business deals completely above board. Take time off to relax and recharge your batteries and love will be in the air. A romantic getaway with a savvy Rabbit, passionate Tiger or talkative Horse will have you howling at the moon! Be realistic in your planning and avoid wishful thinking for best results.

Pig
A harmonious and successful year awaits trusting Pig natives in 2008. There is a risk of you becoming opinionated and judgmental this year so consider that every situation has two sides to it. Your modesty will give you the edge in working with people this year. You are hardworking, but also fond of pleasure. Many opportunities for love affairs during 2008, so be cautious of scandals. Both the Rat and the Pig share the hidden element of Water in their branches bringing emotion, depth and adaptability to circumstances.

Bar advice. This is just one of many who have predictions about the year and your zodiac Chinese animal sign. In the end our fates are in our own hands.

The zero game

Well, in the rough, tough game of game of women, one thing can be true. The zero game but one big zero that is going to make it really hard for you to score is if you are in any way ashamed of sex or your sexuality. That is because women have been taught on a lot of levels to be ashamed of sex also. They are not rewarded for acting sexually in public for example. Think of what happens when they even dress too revealing. They get labeled as sluts and get scorned by older women, peers and even a lot of men.

In some extreme cases, women are taught by their parents that their genitals are some how "dirty", etc. In other words a taboo subject or something not to be seen or talked about. There are many other examples you can probably think of. It is rare that you meet a truly liberated woman who is totally free of any kind of residual shame about sex, or at least negative consequences of acting like she is not ashamed of it. What this means is that often you as a man will have to be the balancing force in the equation, the one that is very comfortable with the idea of how awesome and natural sex is. You have to be the one who will "take the blame" for taking about it, starting it,etc. The more repressed she might be, the more positive you have to balance the equation. The problem though is that somehow modern culture is telling a lot of guys to turn off their sexuality in order to act like a "nice guy".

Many guys who was under this mistaken assumption that if they acted like they didn't want sex outside of marriage or a really committed relationship then they would make themself look nice enough for her to want to date. Even though sex is what you want in the end, you're ashamed to admit it to her for fear she would think that was all you wanted or that you're a pervert. The truth is, if you act ashamed of sex in any way, then it will be extremely hard for things to get sexual with you and the average woman. For the rare females who really do want sex, they will get bored and find a guy who does want it. The ones who are ashamed will just go along with your frame or have it much later than you both might really want.

What instead needs to happen is that you have to in effect "take responsibility" for any of the shame of sex. It means that your actions and the things you say have to communicate to her things like this. "It is not your fault if you and I end up making love". "You are not a slut for having slept with me". "Other people don't have to know about this, nobody else will think any less of you". "I know that you don't do this with other guys and what we are doing is new for you". "I really enjoy being with you sexually, I hope you do too".

Talking to her, you would not say these things exactly, but the deeper message would be the same. You basically have to relieve her of any guilt she might feel and let her know there will be nothing bad that comes from it. Lets look at a verbal example, while you are making out with her, she might tell you "we shouldn't be doing this". In that case, you can assure her that you know she's "a good girl" and the blame is shifted off her shoulders. What about an example that shows you like sex through your actions? Here's an example. Let's say you are flipping through the pages of a magazine and sexy images appear of men and women, possibly nude, and she's around and saw it too. If you keep going and act like it was never there, you are acting ashamed of sex. You get a ZERO!

The point here really is to focus on the fact that sex is natural. The human body can be seen in this manner as well. Women are not going to jump into bed with you just becuase it is but if they see that you see it as such and they begin to feel comfortable that way then things will change. They will find it not so taboo a subject, there's nothing "dirty" about it or their bodies, they're not going to listen to mummy's old folks advice and sex is nothing to be ashmed of. No more zeros after that lesson!

Bar advice. If you add up all the points here and you come up with zero. The games over for you. Than again you could just restart from zero, upwards.

Women love sex just as much as men do

Let me share some insights into the psychology and biology of women with you today. Insights that will really help you guys. The title almost says it all. Women love sex just as much as men do. I might have to convince you of this and explain how you guys can use it to your advantage.

You might find it hard to believe that women love sex as much as men do. If that were true, you might be asking why isn't it easier to get women to go to bed with you, right? If it were not for some elusive facts of biology, it really would be easy, but it's not. When women go up to men and say something along the lines of "Hi, I like you, would you like to sleep with me?" something like 99% of the men will say yes. However, when the roles were reversed, women will probably say no when men ask the same question. The reason is that women are essentially genetically programmed to be really picky about who they have sex with. It is all a supply and demand equation, because women only have a limited supply of chances to reproduce, most women can't have more than say ten children in their lives, and the act of childbirth could kill them too, so you can add 'evolved fear' into the low supply problem.

If that wasn't enough, there are a lot of social consequences that women have to deal with when they have sex with men. They can get labeled as sluts, whores, cheap or easy for having sex with more than one guy. By contrast, as men we can pretty much have hundreds of children if given the chance. Our "supply" of reproduction capability is just about limitless compared to that of women. Having sex with lots of women usually gets guys labeled as studs, top dog and so on, at least with male friends. So you put all this together and you can understand why women are picky and almost seem like they don't like or want sex as much as men do. In reality they do.

The main difference is that men want more partners(quantity), women want better 'quality' partners. OK, so you understand this now, lets really reinforce this idea that women like sex just as much as men do. This is also due to evolution. Both sexes are rewarded with lots of pleasure for sex, its one way that our genes have programmed us to help pass themselves along to the next generation. In fact, I would say that women can get more pleasure out of sex than men. I mean, come on, which sex can have more fun with a showerhead or vibrator? Also, which sex can have multiple, prolonged orgasms, and sometimes they just need another female to get this? These are all things I have witnessed personally in my life and as such I have no doubt that, done properly, sex causes more overall pleasure for women. Scientifically it also prolongs lifespans of people. Women especially.

Women want(keyword) sex just as much as men. So now that you have this fact in mind, how do you use it? The answer is simple, you constantly have the attitude in mind that women want sex just as much or more than men do and in every interaction that you have with them, you keep this in mind. (Please don't go thinking about it in a perverted manner.) Also, keep in mind that a women has to preserve her modesty. Her mother thought her to be a lady and not go with any boy because they just want one thing. We know what that is but actually she wants it too but she'll only give it to you if you are worthy of her. Sp you see, it is simple, but it has really powerful effects. It makes the balance of power more equal in all your interactions with women. Let's look at how this works.

I can remember when I didn't understand how much women love and want sex, and so I used to always think that I was trying to get them to do something they didn't want to do as much as I did. What happens when somebody wants something more than the other person? They are willing to go to much effort to get it. In the case of women, it gets worse if you act like this and put in too much effort, because they then assume on some level that you don't get much of it either(otherwise why would you be trying so hard?), and by extension that there must be some reason for that, like something is wrong with you on some level. Which makes them withhold sex from you more, which makes you try harder, which makes them withhold even more, and what you end up with is a permanent case of blue balls. When you take the frame one step further and understand and believe that women want and love sex more than men do, then you can amazingly flip the roles in the above situation.

Your actions indicate to her that you know she wants you more. You interpret her actions as her wanting you too much, and you pull away a bit. She sees this and thinks on a deeper level that you must have a lot of options with women, so she chases you a bit more, you retreat, she pursues harder, and you eventually succumb since that was your plan all along. Of course, there is a lot more to learn about exactly how to reverse this role with women, and it is a big part of what you need to understand about this method. The simple take away for today is that you need to understand and believe that women want sex as much or more than men do.

Be sure to never force the issue. Women are very delicate creatures and a lot of them need refined tenderness and thoughtfullness. I know of some women that can be a wild tigeress in bed but she puts on the facade of a pussycat to see wheather you are worthy of herself and why you are deserving to be with her. She wants it but she likes to tease and when she, and only she, is willing she'll let you have it.

Bar advice. I'm sure the women reading this will agree with me a huge amount but it's just help for some of the guys that "don't get it".

The safety man

You see it all the time at bars & clubs. A group of girls, sometimes just three or as many as five or six, with one sole guy in their group. You may think this guy is "with" one of the girls but many times he's not, unless his name is Hugh Hefner.

He is tagging along, but why? What are his reasons? Usually it's one of only two reasons. He's infatuated with one of the girls in the group, hoping to hook up with her or he's hoping to improve his odds with any of the girls in the group. The vast majority of the time, however, in fact the most probable outcome is, he will not achieve anything. He will not get any further along with any of the girls than he'd gotten before. If it were possible for him, he'd have known how to do it already and not need to waste time grasping at such flimsy opportunities rather than taking initiative at other times. So why do the group of girls take him along on their "girl's nightout" when none of them have any preconceived intentions to hook upwith him?

One of them(rarely) may very well actually like him in "that way" (all the girls in the group will already know about it) and think this will be an opportunity for him to bust a move (he won't or he will do it pathetically).Commonly, they need a "safety man". What is a "safety man"? A safety man is a guy girls will have in their group for the sole purpose of allowing them to focus on their "girl's night out without the distraction of guys they don't like "hitting on them". To most men, the safety man is ambiguously with all the girls and may be the boyfriend of one of them or may be the boyfriend of the one they might be interested in. Most guys fear the repercussions of approaching a girl who may bewith her boyfriend, so the safety man acts as a sort of "always a shield" for the girls in the group.

When one of them happens to see a guy she may be interested in, the girls all have their social dynamics well in sync to know how to "lower the safety man shield" to make their group(or a certain girl in the group) less intimidating to approach. That's pretty much it. Girls are so sneaky, arent they? But why would I want to talk about this subject? I want people to avoid falling into the trap of being the safety man and to consider taking advantage of the opportunities in ways you may not have considered before.

If you're dating one of the girls(and getting sex from her), then great, enjoy yourself and make sure you're out with them because you have fun and not because you're insecure about whether your girlfriend will cheat on you. If not, why be the safety man for them at all? Unless you want to boost your image to other women at the clubs and get to know them. That's what you ought to be doing. If you're sleeping with the whole entourage of girls than there's nothing to be said. If not, and you have been made the safety man, you'll find other women around easier to approach and talk to. Women will see you as non treating, liked by other women and they'll wonder what is it that other women in the group see in you to have you around. Curiosity will get the better of them so turm up the charm and smile. Phone numbers are going to be slipped to you.

Bar advice. Letting the girls have you as a safety man is one of the best ways of getting to know other women unless you're already attached to one of them.

Using technology when meeting people.

Recently I got to know this lovely model cum porn star. She does a lot of photo shoots with clothes on but she does nude stuff as well. At first I didn't know that she did all this but when I got to see some of her "normal" sexy pictures I was really impressed with her. She's actually Japanese but living somewhere else(not saying) and is still studying.
Talking to this girl is not easy. She's highly in demand and I assume a lot of guys are interested to talk with her but she's told me that she doesn't like to chat with people all that much via the Internet. I try not to bother her too much because I don't want to loose her as a friend. Never met a porn star before so, as a guy, you can't blame me for fantasizing. She actually agreed to meet me if I did come around to where she was staying but I would have to give her ample notice. At least two months. Can you believe that?

I managed to get this short video. Maybe even some of you girls will get turned on. I know the guys will. All the other videos are not really hardcore videos but more soft porn than anything else. While using technology when meeting people can be easier, it also gives people methods of expression that tells people who they are and not be afraid about it. We can be repulsed or condone this but we have to accept that people's choices are their own.

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Bar advice. You never know who you'll meet online. Sometimes people that seem unreachable wants a friend.

Talking to strangers

So many of us find it difficult, some nearly even impossible, to start talking to strangers. Maybe because it was so ingrained in us as kids that it was dangerous to do so, or maybe precisely the opposite. Maybe as adults we're all too aware of the sting of rejection.

Whatever the case, in the grown-up world, one without unnecessary ego attachments, there's nothing wrong with chatting up that cute girl or hot guy who's caught your eye. In fact, you may be missing out on an opportunity if you don't at least smile and say hello. You never know if they may be looking for a good person in their lives as well.On that note, believe it or not, the best thing to do might just be that simple. Smile. Yes, smile but sincerely. You know, not that plastered on,"I'm terrified doing this", kind of smile but rather a genuine warm greeting and say "hello". Ask how they are. Ask if they come there often (ironically of course because you both know you see each other in this space almost everyday). Just come out with small talk that hopefully makes sense and doesn't show your nerves. Be natural and if you make or say something dumb, laugh it off because the other person is probably feeling the same at that moment as well. They'll understand. You won't look stupid.

If it's the first time you're noticing this person, don't let that stop you. A little common everyday friendliness will help. Mention uncharacteristic weather, a headline in the news (particularly if a paper's in sight) or even the traffic and the door is opened to communication. Remember, your "pick up line" need not be a line at all (in fact, it shouldn't be), nor does it have to be the most creative conversation in the world. The point is to let the person know you've noticed them and have a conversation. Girls, especialy, should know that men will jump into a conversation if they initiate it because guys are worse in the approach game. They get all tongue tighed and the blurr state or stage fright syndrome takes over and they fear looking like a complete moron so they say nothing.

If you're still searching, take note of common ground. Even though the person in question may be a stranger, there's no doubt you share something in common. If you're at a certain place than you both go there often but if at that moment, it must be for a purpose. So try to get up the nerve to say something before the moment slips. Just remember, don't be afraid at what's the worst that can happen. Even they not responding in a friendly fashion or they completely ignore you. If that's the case, you're not really interested anyway, are you? Move on.

If you aren't particularly shy and can take it past a smile and hello, make your introduction more personal by noticing and commenting on something specific about your potential paramour. Are they wearing a new coat? Did they get a haircut? Do you always notice their shoes,dog,hair, beverage of choice? Whatever the detail, ask about it. Compliment it. Show, casually of course without seeming stalker like, that you've paid attention to them in the past or that you're paying attention at that moment. A person who is similarly interested will take the hint most of the time. They'll start to be interested in someone that notices them.

Lastly, if this whole idea makes you nervous, ask yourself why? What have you got to lose? Better to try talking and get no response than wonder about that "missed chance", right? If it helps, remember that people who are skilled at talking with strangers rarely plumb the depths with them in casual conversation. They start simple. They smile. They comment on the world around them. Then they find out, courtesy of the universe and its energy, that great things can happen when you're not afraid to reach out for the smallest human connection.

Bar advice. Technology makes the world a smaller place but if you can't communicate with another person in front of you, your world is still huge.