Showing posts with label psychiatrist. Show all posts
Showing posts with label psychiatrist. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 8, 2008

Verbal abuse

A guy that lives around my neighbourhood is always making his wife feel like shit. He always has some form of verbal abuse toward her. They can be in a coffee shop and he'll be talking loudly and putting her down so others can hear. In the shops buying things and he'll raise his voice to make it seem like she's either spending too much of his money again or he'll make her look stupid like she doesn't know which brand item to buy. He's never embarrassed that everyone will be looking and continues till they reach home or till he's satisfied.

People like this may or may not know that they abuse their partners and it can be classified as a medical problem but I believe that it starts from young. How you were raised? What your parents, family members or teachers thought you and how you were disciplined.

These are people that want to be in a superior position at all times and make sure that everyone knows that they are the head of the household. They feel that if they allow anyone to talk back, interrupt them, debate or even tell them off; they'll be disrespected. They cannot accept this and thus will rule their domain and all in it with an iron fist. The relationship to them is something sealed and cannot be broken and they believe this permits them to do as they please. Say as the please. Ridicule and embarrass as they please.

There are also those that abuse with physical violence. Most of the time the violence will be inside the home as they don't want others to see it and there will not be any proof if the law is called. Verbal abuse in and outside the home tends to be at all times as it is not against the law. The verbal abuse can sometimes be so demeaning or highly embarrassing that the woman knows not where to face when she's in public. Every direction she turns will have a face staring back at her but none able to rescue. What does she do? Only to look downwards to the ground but that normally entails the abuser to get more angry and abusive because he wants her to be embarrassed. He wants her face to be seen by others. He just wants to "put her in her place" for no rhyme or reason whatsoever.

He flaunts his "power" over her and he also wants others to see it. When he's alone and in public, he's "Mr nice guy" with everyone. The worst thing is that everyone thinks he is since they have not seen his abuse or any of that behavior. They will accept him as someone that's normal in society. Question is, why can he not be like this towards his partner? Lots of times this abuse also extends toward the children and he uses them to inflict harm onto his wife more so because the tendency is she will be protecting them against any abuse.

We also should look at women that abuse their husbands. It's a true fact. Although there are far fewer cases but it does exist. Laugh if you like but there are women out there that make their husbands look like complete idiots or puppets. They "mother" them and do things that embarrass them in public as well. This tends to be in places like supermarkets and restaurants. Worse place will be at family get togethers like holidays or birthdays. They let everyone know that their man is hen pecked. He's got to bite his lip and accept it. They don't accept any "back talk" either. There's "hell" to pay if she gets she doesn't get her way. She wants all the other women, and men, to see that she's in charge. She's the one that wears the pants in the family. What she says goes in her household.

All these people seem to have a power struggle problem. They accuse, are possessive, jealous and insinuate things so as to create issues and cause these relationship problems and abuse. They can never allow anyone to have a moments peace. These people need this sort of things to feel alive. They may have been abused as a child themselves or never received the proper discipline when they were young. Also, it could be due to them being punished too harshly as a kid or they had fears that causes them to act in this manner. These fears are psychological and is deep within and it's exerted verbally or physically to people that they love. There are so many medical reasons that can be added but I still firmly believe that it all starts from a young age and is adopted so.

Living with people like this can be hard and painful. Sometimes it's best to get family members involved so everyone can assist. Domestic violence and abuse is difficult for everyone to confront. An intervention of this nature can backfire with violence from the abuser on everyone but it may be necessary. One should always report the abuse to the police. Separation may be necessary. What ultimate decision can later be attained. Moving out is one of the better options and divorce, after much consideration may be needed if there's irreconcilable differences.

Those in single relationships facing such problems should tell someone about it in case things escalate to serious difficulties. Trying to solve the problem is amicable but it's not an overnight result type deal. The abuser didn't get that way in a day. There may be deeper issues that even takes psychiatrist years to uncover or resolve. Don't go thinking that your love can change the person. You're in for a rude shock. In most cases the abuse only start when they are settled deep into the relationship. Be alert. Be aware.

Bar advice. Stay clear if you are involved or getting involved with someone like this. If it happened once be sure it's not going to end anytime soon.

Sunday, December 9, 2007

Influence

We live in a world where one thing can effect the other. Like global warming. The weather may be bad in one part of the world but it effects us because we will either get it just as bad if not worse. Also, when bad weather hits some place it may effect the food chain and so that becomes another problem that effects us. Same thing goes with people in different situations in their love lives and relationships.

Can someone telling you that they don't see a future in you be a little devastating especially after you took so much time and effort to find out more about them? It's like a cyclone hitting you out of nowhere. When someone decides that they are no longer interested or that they have other people that they want to see or pursue, it's a little sad when you don't know what the core issues really are that made the person not want to be with you anymore. Sometimes it's not your fault at all but the other persons insecurities, faults, low self esteem and a tendency for self destructive behaviour in a relationship.

Getting relationship advice can help but if you get it out of a store magazine that's printed monthly and some columnist is giving you stuff that they believe is true, forget it. They just need to fill the pages. Getting good sound information from real people, true life experiences and those that understand your fears and anxieties is far better than anything else out there. Of course you can see a psychiatrist but if you reveal that to the other person they'll really think you're nuts. So, how are you influenced?

Being influenced by others that are either not involved or that don't really know or understand the issues can make the whole thing blow up. Listening to others or following the opinion of what you have read in girly magazines or the internet sites can make things worse. What if you could dig out the answers to what your partner is all about? Wouldn't that help? If you could figure out what makes them tick it will make things easier. Are you going to let the past influence what you do now and in the future? Every person is different. Finding out is party of the experiences that we go through in life. Working around difficulties and set ways may just be the liberating key that you have been looking for.

Making plans about how your life should work out and all is good but life sometimes throws us a curve ball. We may get into an accident, lose a family member suddenly, get really sick, lose our job and so on. Sometimes the person we never dreamt about as being with may just turn out to be the best thing you'll ever get in this life. Being with someone can outweigh all the material possessions in the world. Loving someone and being loved can break all barriers and fears.

Bar advice. The spice of life is like having champagne and caviar but champagne can go really well with strawberries as well. It brings out what's nice about the chanpagne. You never know what is compatible till you tried.

Sunday, March 4, 2007

First date conversations

The most dreaded thing during first dates, aside from choosing what clothes to wear, is what to say on your first real eye to eye conversation. You can’t really help it when you turn all giddy on first date. It’s a natural thing.

There’s only one rule to first date conversations. Don’t make a fool of yourself. Stop being overly anxious and suppress all signs of nervousness Appear relaxed, confident and at ease. Get the thought of rejection out of your head and avoid negative speculations. Think good thoughts, this can also help you exude a positive aura that always adds charm to your personality.

Silence can be your worst enemy on first dates, it makes me cringe just thinking about it. It can make one jump into the brink of nervousness and say things that you wish you hadn’t said. If you think the conversation will lead to some dead air, you can make little distractions like slowly sipping your drink. This would give you those precious split seconds to think of something creative to say to keep the conversation flowing smoothly.

There are a number of great subjects that can jump start a conversation. Make a quick observation of the person you are dating. If she’s the intellectual type, current events can be a good topic to start with. Talk about your present jobs and how happy or discontented you are with your career. Along that line you can also talk about your past schools and funny experiences you might want to share. Ask your date about her hobbies and what interests her. Always add some comments or a follow-up question to keep the conversation moving forward. Guys you got to remember to shut up at some point and let her do some of the talking. Remember it's suppose to be a conversation, you're not there to give a lecture and she's not your psychiatrist to listen to your problems.

Those popular “what’s-your-favorite?” questions shouldn't’t be missed. You can really get to know a person’s personal taste with this type of question. Since everyone generally loves traveling, you can also talk about your past leisure trips and some of the vacation spots you fancy. Of course, your date would share his or her own thoughts of a dream holiday as well, and who knows, you might even end up having a vacation together.

One can tell a good date from a bad date on the basis of how the conversation on your first date went. Be prepared and have a mental list of the possible things you can talk about. The key to a successful first date is to be yourself and as long as you can do that, everything else will follow. Women always look into the eyes of men so guys try to let her see the inner you. Men are little boys that are shy at talking to women because they just don't understand them so they are really the ones that are nervous so ladies understand that you got to make them feel at ease.

Bar advice. For the guys, if you really like her, tell her. Also, when you're comfortable, hold her hand.Use the Alpha male method. Ladies, don't just wait for him to make any kind of move. Be a participant. Some guys are really nice but they just become puddy when it comes to women. Show him you're interested.

Sunday, November 26, 2006

The Unofficial Psychologist or Psychiatrist

I've been working in the bar line for so long now and I've seen and met so many people with all sorts of problems and some that died because of it.

I just started this blog so that it may help others out there. Being in this line you get people telling you all kinds of stuff. Also doing all kinds of stuff. Being in Singapore, yes Singapore, I get to meet so many different people from many countries and of course the locals as well. Many are nice, good, decent but there's a bunch of dead beats and assholes as well. Not forgetting a couple of bitches too.

Currently you can find here writing. I have worked in all sorts of places as well. From hotels to lounges, discos, karaokes, pubs, bars, poolsides, nightclubs and even private party locations. Believe me when I say I've seen, heard and done some wacky things. At the end of the day we are the unofficial psychologist or psychiatrist that dish out all this free advice and serve them their medicating booze at the same time. I decided to write this blog so the stuff that I write about may just help you or give you something to laugh at. It may depress you sometimes but hey it's better to know there's people out there that are in worse shape then you so that in itself should make you smile a little.

May not be able to blog everyday but will do my best. I'll be talking about past stuff and current crap as well. Catch up for more soon....