Well, if you've ever read an online dating profile anywhere, you've invariably seen some version of today's Phrase Of The Day in there somewhere. This can come in the form of, "No Games!" or "I am sick of playing games!" or "I do not play games, and won't put up with those playing games", among others.
Having read this phrase a few hundred times, I got a bright idea. I started asking people what they meant by that.Based on certain patterns, there are four conclusions.
1) People have no concrete idea what they mean by "No Games",...
2) If they do know what they mean, it's not a standard definition that the rest of us can relate to immediately.
3) It's altogether possible that people put "No Games" in their profiles just because everyone else did and it sounds like the thing to write.
4) They have been through some bad, weird, awful, distasteful, hurtful or plain lousy relationships.
My bet is that #4 and #3 is more often the reason than not. Lack of creativity has never been in short supply on dating web sites! That said, when so many people bring the "games" thing up-even putting it at their very headline in multiple instances-there's got to be something going on here.So what's up with it? What does it mean?
After considerable thought and conversation, here are just some of the possibilities as far as what people are talking about here. I don't see this as an exhaustive list, and I welcome additions from readers. For your convenience, I've broken it down by gender.
GUY GAMES
1) What's a "game" without a "player"? Now, what a "player" is, exactly, is a whole other topic, thereby adding complexity to this entire thing. Whoever he is, some women are "sick" of him. For the record, other women are inexplicably drawn to "player" types. So thank you, ladies, for clarifying up front what your preference is assuming that's what you meant.
2) The dating "rules" of engagement.This involves doing things or acting in a certain way based on unwritten ‘protocol'. For example, when a guy gets your phone number/takes you out on a date/etc. He should wait three days to call you afterward, right? Dumb!
3) Lying about intentions. He "loves you" and wants a relationship, or vice-versa. Wake up!
4) Over promising/under delivering. He says he has a "wonderful evening" planned for you. You are all excited, and you end up doing absolutely nothing. Again. Another version of this is right after dinner out somewhere, while it's still early, he says he's really just ready to go home and "chill". This is categorized as a guy "game" because in my opinion the guy should have dates planned for the couple to enjoy, largely based(hopefully)on her favorite things to do/places to go.
GAL GAMES
1) Playing "hard to get". She leaves him hanging. A lot.
2) Marking territory.This is all about getting involved in a guy's life in such a way that before he knows it, you are most certainly not going away anytime soon. (e.g. making friends with his friends, introducing his and her kids to one another, etc.)
3) Meal ticket.She keeps him around because he'll buy her dinner, and stuff and that's really all. My personal opinion on this, BTW, is that if it's going on, it's the guy's stupid fault. He has failed to create attraction on her part and besides, who can blame her?
4) Sexual control. Anything under the general heading of "manipulation by sex" is a "game". Duhh!!
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY GAMES
1) Flakiness -- Generally described as saying something will get done and not delivering. Some people are legitimate all-around flakes/deadbeats, and that's no game. The game here generally involved flaking out on someone after committing to a date, etc, because a "better option" came along. That's ‘Game City', baby.
2) Mind games -- Either hinting or outright saying something is so, and then pretending it was never said later. Acting in approval of some activity at one time, disapproving of the same thing another time. Carrots and Sticks. Carts and Horses. You get the idea, and this can take any form whatsoever. Everything from where the relationship stands to what size boxers the dude wears is fair "game" for this type of thing. This gig is all about controlling someone by weakness. Usually in a passive aggressive manner (Which is, ahem, another topic for another day).
3) Presumptuous assumptions -- Whenever someone imposes on another person and says, "Oh, I just assumed…" you have this going on. Example here would be A invites B to drinks. A automatically expected B to pay the bill, and doesn't have money. Someone has been "played" here. Anything involving presumed use of the other's time, resources or talents is this sort of game. Ladies, if you automatically assume your guy is going to help you move (unless maybe if it's in with him?) you are looking at a problem waiting to happen.
4) Guilt trips -- A major tactic of manipulation, often characterized by projecting blame upon someone else rather than accepting any responsibility for one's actions. (In fact, run away from anyone who runs this brand of smack on a regular basis.)
NON-EXAMPLES
Just for the record, there are a few things that may seem like games, but be careful before you consider them such.
1) Not knowing what one wants -- If someone wants a relationship and the other isn't quite there yet, for whatever reason, the one driving the relationship often thinks the other is "playing games". Assuming everyone has been honest about intentions here, this frustration is merely to be called "not getting what one wants immediately". It's not a "game". It's part of the relationship.
2) Details surrounding non-exclusivity -- If you are not in an exclusive relationship with someone, it is not a "game" when the other person is dating other people. Further, it's not a "game" when you are not being given details. In fact, if one person is asking the other for said details (for which there is no answer that will make said person happy, of course) that might in fact fall under the "game" category. Assuming exclusivity, by the way, is not a good strategy. People in exclusive relationships should have a common understanding that it's the case.
3) Outright stupidity -- Laugh hard if you must, but you know it happens. A or B did or said something in a bonehead moment, and the other thinks it was a deliberate tactic to derail things in general. Yeah, well, it may actually derail things. But it wasn't deliberate so it wasn't a "game". People that have been in problems before will take it as such.
So the summary here could theoretically be that if someone isn't being up front about something, the "game" is on.
Bar advice. Look at yourself in the mirror first of all. Ask yourself if you're the one playing the "games". If you get accused of it and you weren't "playing" it, how would you feel? At the end of the day were going to find these still written on the profile pages and such. What are you going to do/ tell the person you're a "game player"?
Friday, April 6, 2007
Asian Girl Tickled
Asian Girl Tickled - Funny bloopers are a click away
Bar advice. There are other bed games you and your partner can do as well. Tickling is just one of them. Using other body part is another. I know,just looking at the video is giving you ideas, isn't it?
Thursday, April 5, 2007
Crying 哭泣
There is a lot to be said about crying out loud with all your might. How often do you hear someone yelling a swear word when they are hurt? They don't hold back; they just let it out along with the anger and frustration that accompanies the pain.
Well, do you know it's alright to yell at God, too? In fact, He is waiting for you to tell him your troubles. You may have grown up with a traditional mindset that all prayer must be done on your knees, with your hands folded, your head bent, and your voice down to a mere whisper.
I love the story of blind Bartimaeus. When Jesus was coming into the city of Jericho, there was a large crowd following Him and it was hard to get within earshot of Him. Bartimaeus figured out that the only way he had a chance to receive his healing was to yell. The more people told him to shut up, the louder he yelled. He did not care what others were thinking. His health and welfare were at stake here! He knew this may be his only chance to get this close to the Man "who healed all that were oppressed of the devil". (1 Acts 10:38)
Well, his strategy worked! Jesus heard him, commanded him to come near to Him and asked what he could do for him. As he got up, he threw off the shawl which by law all blind people had to wear. When Bartimaeus told Jesus that he would like to receive his sight, he was simply told: "Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole." From that moment on he was blind no more! (Mark 10: 46-52)
Now all the people, including Jesus, knew by his garment that this man was blind. Bartimaeus may have just continued to sit there, hoping that Jesus would pass by, say a prayer, and heal him. He could have asked others to have mercy on him, taken him by the hand, and brought him to the Healer. Yet again, he might have thought to himself: "well, I was born this way; there must be a purpose for it. If the doctors cannot heal me, then maybe Jesus can't, either." He might also have told himself that all he needed to do was pray quietly.
There are times when in quiet, confident trust, you thank God in faith for your needs.Just as it is to your advantage to yell out in order to be heard above the crowd, so it is good to cry out loud to God. Whenever you express a heartfelt cry to God, whether singing praises, or crying out in faith for your needs, you are making a declaration. You are giving notice to the devil that you refuse to listen to his defeatist whispers and that your hope is focused only on the Lord. Psalm 149: 5-9 declares that, if you know Him and praise Him out loud in faith, you can overcome those who persecute you and even change oppressive governments!
These things are from my faith but never the less, those of other faiths can recognize that it is true to all religions. Whatever your religion may be, it is in us all to cry out to the heavens for help and guidance. We seek for answers and hope it can be answered.
Bar advice. Good Friday is almost upon us. Lets us remember the sacrifice by others long ago for the place we live and things we have. Do something good n the world for others. It will come back to you in a greater fold. Bring blessings to others and you to will be blessed.
Well, do you know it's alright to yell at God, too? In fact, He is waiting for you to tell him your troubles. You may have grown up with a traditional mindset that all prayer must be done on your knees, with your hands folded, your head bent, and your voice down to a mere whisper.
I love the story of blind Bartimaeus. When Jesus was coming into the city of Jericho, there was a large crowd following Him and it was hard to get within earshot of Him. Bartimaeus figured out that the only way he had a chance to receive his healing was to yell. The more people told him to shut up, the louder he yelled. He did not care what others were thinking. His health and welfare were at stake here! He knew this may be his only chance to get this close to the Man "who healed all that were oppressed of the devil". (1 Acts 10:38)
Well, his strategy worked! Jesus heard him, commanded him to come near to Him and asked what he could do for him. As he got up, he threw off the shawl which by law all blind people had to wear. When Bartimaeus told Jesus that he would like to receive his sight, he was simply told: "Go thy way; thy faith hath made thee whole." From that moment on he was blind no more! (Mark 10: 46-52)
Now all the people, including Jesus, knew by his garment that this man was blind. Bartimaeus may have just continued to sit there, hoping that Jesus would pass by, say a prayer, and heal him. He could have asked others to have mercy on him, taken him by the hand, and brought him to the Healer. Yet again, he might have thought to himself: "well, I was born this way; there must be a purpose for it. If the doctors cannot heal me, then maybe Jesus can't, either." He might also have told himself that all he needed to do was pray quietly.
There are times when in quiet, confident trust, you thank God in faith for your needs.Just as it is to your advantage to yell out in order to be heard above the crowd, so it is good to cry out loud to God. Whenever you express a heartfelt cry to God, whether singing praises, or crying out in faith for your needs, you are making a declaration. You are giving notice to the devil that you refuse to listen to his defeatist whispers and that your hope is focused only on the Lord. Psalm 149: 5-9 declares that, if you know Him and praise Him out loud in faith, you can overcome those who persecute you and even change oppressive governments!
These things are from my faith but never the less, those of other faiths can recognize that it is true to all religions. Whatever your religion may be, it is in us all to cry out to the heavens for help and guidance. We seek for answers and hope it can be answered.
Bar advice. Good Friday is almost upon us. Lets us remember the sacrifice by others long ago for the place we live and things we have. Do something good n the world for others. It will come back to you in a greater fold. Bring blessings to others and you to will be blessed.
Monday, April 2, 2007
考 Driving test don'ts.
I remember this girl Brenda, who use to come to the bar, telling me that she was always doing her driving lessons. I don't know whether she took the test already or not but I hope she passed. Especially after all those days rushing to meet up with the instructor and all that.
Anyway here's a little tease to make you laugh about what you should not do or say if you want to pass your driving test.
1) Challenge the instructor to a drag race at Dead Man's Curve after the test finishes.
2) Insist on playing your own mix tape really loudly while driving.
3) Rev the engine and beep the horn furiously if any kids wave at you through the back window.
4) Slow down and whistle and holler at any attractive people. Question the instructor’s sexuality should he/she disapprove.
5) Tell the instructor you only drive sports cars and can’t be seen driving the stupid test car.
6) Ask the instructor has he/she ever come across a talking car such as KITT in knightrider
7) When asked to turn left, turn right instead, when asked for an explanation. say, "Oh you mean my left".
8) When asked if you are sitting comfortably and can reach the pedals, bend down, touch them with your hands and say, "Yep, no problem".
9) Ask the instructor to duck down when passing by a group of your friends as you feel he/she may be bad for your image.
10) Ask the instructor if its possible to travel back in time in a fast car or would you have to make some adjustments after you buy one. Also ask if you need to apply for a different license for time travel.
Bar advice. If you end up doing these things you'll be taking public transport for the rest of your life.
Anyway here's a little tease to make you laugh about what you should not do or say if you want to pass your driving test.
1) Challenge the instructor to a drag race at Dead Man's Curve after the test finishes.
2) Insist on playing your own mix tape really loudly while driving.
3) Rev the engine and beep the horn furiously if any kids wave at you through the back window.
4) Slow down and whistle and holler at any attractive people. Question the instructor’s sexuality should he/she disapprove.
5) Tell the instructor you only drive sports cars and can’t be seen driving the stupid test car.
6) Ask the instructor has he/she ever come across a talking car such as KITT in knightrider
7) When asked to turn left, turn right instead, when asked for an explanation. say, "Oh you mean my left".
8) When asked if you are sitting comfortably and can reach the pedals, bend down, touch them with your hands and say, "Yep, no problem".
9) Ask the instructor to duck down when passing by a group of your friends as you feel he/she may be bad for your image.
10) Ask the instructor if its possible to travel back in time in a fast car or would you have to make some adjustments after you buy one. Also ask if you need to apply for a different license for time travel.
Bar advice. If you end up doing these things you'll be taking public transport for the rest of your life.
News about Booze
A new medical study has provided more good news about booze. There is an ingredient in red wine that apparently really does prolong life, at least, the life of mice.
How do we know? In a recent study, mice that were fed all kinds of artery clogging foods and fattened up were given huge doses of the elixir, while other mice were just fattened up. Despite being obese, the cardiovascular systems of the lucky mice on the regimen remained healthy. So healthy that the researchers, at no less than the Harvard Medical School, rushed to publish their findings even before the study was complete.
The work, which was done along with the National Institute on Aging, determined that heavy doses of the ingredient in red wine called resveratrol, lowers the rate of diabetes, liver problems and other fat related health problems. While it’s too soon to know if the same ingredient works in humans, some scientists were excited by the findings and even called them "spectacular."
But don’t reach for a second bottle of juice too fast. To get the amount of the ingredient that the mice were given, you would have to drink 100 bottles of red wine a day, an amount beyond the capacity of even the most delirious wine drinker.
Yet there is hope. The promising ingredient is available as a health supplement, and without a prescription.
Of course, the usual drawback applies. It’s not available at a dose that would really make much of a difference. For that salubrious event, you’ll need a prescription. Since we all know how promptly the govermental health agencies approves new therapies, we can expect that the first prescription will probably be written for one of our great grandchildren.
Bar advice. This is meant as a bit of a joke as well so please don't go drinking tons of red wine daily. It is, however, good to have a glass or two a day.
How do we know? In a recent study, mice that were fed all kinds of artery clogging foods and fattened up were given huge doses of the elixir, while other mice were just fattened up. Despite being obese, the cardiovascular systems of the lucky mice on the regimen remained healthy. So healthy that the researchers, at no less than the Harvard Medical School, rushed to publish their findings even before the study was complete.
The work, which was done along with the National Institute on Aging, determined that heavy doses of the ingredient in red wine called resveratrol, lowers the rate of diabetes, liver problems and other fat related health problems. While it’s too soon to know if the same ingredient works in humans, some scientists were excited by the findings and even called them "spectacular."
But don’t reach for a second bottle of juice too fast. To get the amount of the ingredient that the mice were given, you would have to drink 100 bottles of red wine a day, an amount beyond the capacity of even the most delirious wine drinker.
Yet there is hope. The promising ingredient is available as a health supplement, and without a prescription.
Of course, the usual drawback applies. It’s not available at a dose that would really make much of a difference. For that salubrious event, you’ll need a prescription. Since we all know how promptly the govermental health agencies approves new therapies, we can expect that the first prescription will probably be written for one of our great grandchildren.
Bar advice. This is meant as a bit of a joke as well so please don't go drinking tons of red wine daily. It is, however, good to have a glass or two a day.
April's Fool
Ever wonder how the tradition of April Fool's Day got started? Historians don't know, but some believe that it is associated with the Spring Equinox. If so, the first day of April shares much in common with The Fool in the Tarot deck. Both symbolize fresh new beginnings. The Fool is assigned the number zero, and his place can be either at the beginning or the end of the 22 major arcana - after all, in every ending is a new beginning. Like a child, The Fool embarks on a new journey, not caring where he will end up, but taking delight in all the wonderful sights awaiting him. When The Fool turns up in a reading, he symbolizes a new start in some area of your life.
Bar Advice. Don't play too many tricks on people. The new spring is beginning and the last shakey quarter of the year just ended. Make the most of the rest of the year.
Bar Advice. Don't play too many tricks on people. The new spring is beginning and the last shakey quarter of the year just ended. Make the most of the rest of the year.
Sunday, April 1, 2007
Sexually transmitted Infections
With all the attention heaped upon the most deadly sexually transmitted infection of all (HIV), other non-fatal forms of infection have been somewhat neglected, and even overlooked in sexual education. However, incidences of STIs such as chlamydia and gonorrhea have been dramatically and silently rising in many parts of the world in recent years, though receiving far less attention. It is now recognized that this is a major public health issue, affecting thousands of people, irrespective of background, education or social class.
Bar Advice. Keep your guard up against other infectious diseases as it can lead to some real painful experiences. People, especially women, sometimes don't know that they may have something because discharge from the vigina looks like something ordinary. Last thing. Take all the precautions seriously. Idoit!
Venereal Disease 在性病病
Venereal diseases, or sexually transmitted diseases (STD) as they are better known today, are a series of diseases which are transmitted through sexual contact between persons, most commonly through vaginal, oral or anal sex. Another term used by experts is “sexually transmitted infections”, but this term is less common.
Venereal diseases are an old companion and concern of mankind. As the British Empire spread throughout the world, British travelers, sailors and soldiers started bringing all sorts of diseases back to England. This is why the first VD clinic opened on January 31, 1747, at the London Dock Hospital. The biggest threats in those times were the syphilis and gonorrhea and the main purpose of the clinic was to study these diseases. They were also considered incurable at the time and doctors focused mostly on treating the symptoms.
The situation changed after the discovery of antibiotics, which made a lot of the old venereal diseases curable. Public health authorities have also launched campaigns of eradication against these diseases, which led to a decline in the number of cases. However, the 80's meant the advent of AIDS and genital herpes, which cannot be cured by modern medicine.
The most common VD's are Syphilis, Chancroid, Chlamydia Infection, Gonorrhea, Herpes, AIDS, Candidiasis and LGV. Sexual contact is also a means of spreading parasites such as pubic lice and scabies.
The easiest way of protecting yourself from VD's is to use condoms during sex. Although this will not help you against pubic lice, it would at least prevent the spread of infections and spare you the 'pleasure' of visiting the STD ward. More so since, despite all efforts, AIDS still means death.
Bar advice. You never know who a carrier is. Keeping your clothes on may just save your life. Some girls are like a hot knife going through margerine, they spread so easily. Some guys have the tools but let's everyone use it. In this day and age it pays to keep a civil thought for your well being.
Venereal diseases are an old companion and concern of mankind. As the British Empire spread throughout the world, British travelers, sailors and soldiers started bringing all sorts of diseases back to England. This is why the first VD clinic opened on January 31, 1747, at the London Dock Hospital. The biggest threats in those times were the syphilis and gonorrhea and the main purpose of the clinic was to study these diseases. They were also considered incurable at the time and doctors focused mostly on treating the symptoms.
The situation changed after the discovery of antibiotics, which made a lot of the old venereal diseases curable. Public health authorities have also launched campaigns of eradication against these diseases, which led to a decline in the number of cases. However, the 80's meant the advent of AIDS and genital herpes, which cannot be cured by modern medicine.
The most common VD's are Syphilis, Chancroid, Chlamydia Infection, Gonorrhea, Herpes, AIDS, Candidiasis and LGV. Sexual contact is also a means of spreading parasites such as pubic lice and scabies.
The easiest way of protecting yourself from VD's is to use condoms during sex. Although this will not help you against pubic lice, it would at least prevent the spread of infections and spare you the 'pleasure' of visiting the STD ward. More so since, despite all efforts, AIDS still means death.
Bar advice. You never know who a carrier is. Keeping your clothes on may just save your life. Some girls are like a hot knife going through margerine, they spread so easily. Some guys have the tools but let's everyone use it. In this day and age it pays to keep a civil thought for your well being.
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