The Advice We Get About Our Relationship

I've seen so many situations where a relationship between two people have been jeopardized by other people like family members, friends, colleagues, etc. These people, may at times be genuinely concerned but on numerous occasions they are not.

The Advice We Get  About Our Relationship can occasionally be damaging. Sometimes our best friends say bad things about the person we are with because they may have feelings of loss of your friendship or feel like someone splitting up a good team between you two. There is also, at times, jealousy involved where a friend just can't find a partner and if you are involved with someone they advise you that the person you're with isn't right for you. Some may even spread rumors or lies in hopes of breaking you up.

Office colleagues working together have a tendency to have an office romance or even sexual encounters where it is a mutual understanding, including affairs with married people. However, if someone gets attached and is in a relationship suddenly the whole dynamics change. Where a sexual friendship is suddenly interrupted, people have feelings stirred to the surface that they didn't realize was alive. This could also be anything as low key as daily flirting in the office and not actually having sex with that person but it remains the same feeling.

Being deprived access to someone because a third party has stepped in could drive some people to do ugly things and sure enough they provide all sorts of warnings and bad advice to place terror into the mind in hopes that they can invoke a break up so things can go back as it was and they look the hero.

In certain circumstances the advice about your new relationship may come from a colleague of the same gender and gives you negative remarks about the person you're with because they have a hidden agenda. In certain cases, they may be gay and attracted to you in secret so they advise you about relationship horror stories hoping you don't remain hitched and they may still have a shot even if you're not gay. Doesn't matter if you're male or female. They probably are hoping for the best or fearing the worst if you find out about their desire or orientation and that's why they do it.

On the home front, you may have to deal with older sisters or brothers and if they are married, its worse. They believe they are fit to be your adviser on matters of the heart because their monotonous life works! So, in their head, they are fit to advise you on your choice of partner and relationship matters even though the lack of romance or sex in their own relationship is up for debate.

Parents on the other hand is a little tricky. They may have your best interest at heart but most of the time we never listen to them. Do we? Some mothers are concern we make an impulsive choice or be lured away by an unscrupulous person that will bring heartache and sadness. However, mom's advice although sound, is hardly in our minds when we make choices of the heart. I guess the dreaded idea of bringing home that special someone only to have a disapproving argument later on our choice is enough for anyone to have a heart attack. Just like in the movies.

Don't get too discouraged. Not all advice is bad. There are many friends and colleagues that will be happy for you, tease you along and even help you when needed. Parents too, especially mom, will be your biggest supporter and helpful adviser. So its not all doom and gloom even though there is a lot of bad advice coming from people who you should stay far away from.

Bar Advice. It boils down to your choice. No one else. Just be aware what advice you're getting, who and why they're giving it to you.

What's the state of your relationship?

What's the state of your relationship? Yours may have romance, love and a greatly understanding partner but there's a possibility the relationship may fail. What can you do to help your relationship?

Don't nitpick, as everyone has a tendency to do this. Stop looking at their peculiar habits and this will help you to enjoy their company more. You're not your partners parent. Talk about these things.




Try discussing any issues which you may face with your partner. Solve the problem instead of dumping it, leaving then coming back to argue even further. The problem is still there, earlier or later, but later it may get worse so nip it in the bud before it escalates

People who select the wrong partner find it difficult to settle in the relationship. Weigh all the advantages and disadvantages on who will be an ideal person in your life. Changing someone to your needs or idealism can be difficult and a strain on the feelings of the heart hen things start to sour because of poor choices.

To really make things work you must accept the flaws of your partner as no one is perfect. Before you both met you were different people leading different lives and acceptance of silly, crazy and sometimes irritating things the other one does is all part of the process of the work in the state of the relationship.

Bar Advice. Do not be jealous when meeting their ex or when a person in previous relationship is mentioned. Before you became a couple other people were in your lives...remember that.

Sex All Around The House

Sex All Around The House - Book Review

We all need to spice up our lovemaking at one time or another. In fact, it's very important to the well being of your relationship! However, with so many lovemaking books out there, does Michael Webb's latest addition to his lovemaking collection size up and stand out from the crowd? Let's find out

The Oprah expert's latest book called “Sex All Around The House” takes a very different turn for ways to spice up your lovemaking. Rather than talking about positions, techniques and locations, this book focuses on how everyday household items, yes the ones already laying around your house, can be used to spice things up.

On first glance, I was a little hesitant of the idea of using things from the house. I wondered if this book could deliver. I mean how many could there possibly be? Ice, oils, candles? Come on! However, I was actually surprised by the amount of unique and wonderful things you can use, and I quote, “to get your partner's engine revving.”

Want to hear some more? Get frisky in a sleeping bag, fun and challenging! Wear nothing but an apron to cook a meal and surprise your partner. A great turn-on, especially for men. Play a sexy game using an MP3 player where you each have an earpiece and have to make love without it falling out - including changing positions and giving oral. Playable with or without sexy 'penalties.'

There was even one about wearing earplugs! Everyone knows you can heighten sound and touch by blindfolding, but almost no one thinks about trying earplugs to block out sound from your steamy passion. Nice idea to heighten touch and visual sense and create a totally new experience. I was also surprised to discover that some of these items can be used to make men last longer and even an item that makes some adventurous positions possible. Nice addition!

So as you can see, this book actually has some fantastic and exciting ideas you can use to spice up any lovemaking, no matter how fiery it already is. Best of all, because sex toys are so expensive, you'll save lots of money(and lots of embarrassment) by using the items you already have around the house. Were there any downsides? Yes. The book could have had a few more ideas, considering you won't like all of them(no one will like all of them) but there are definitely enough to keep you very happy.

Bar advice. All in all, this is a great resource that you'll wonder how you did without. Whether you want to add more fire, perform better in bed or just have more fun, you'll find many tips and ideas to make it happen. 

Social Network Sites

I am really thrown back at some of the people that join the social network sites, especially the women. I've seen on several sites, including Facebook, Hi 5, Tagged, My Space, Friendster and more, where they use the phrase "in a relationship" for their status. Some are provided as options on the site and some are typed in. Either way, it is loosely used.

Now why place that there and then start flirting with everyone? Some women even add sexy photos of themselves. Guys add photos of their body tattoos or abs and such. The fact that they state they are already in a relationship, and most probably are, then do everything that would piss off the person they are involved with who will be looking at their page as well, is just mind blowing. Best part, some encourage their partners by supporting the behaiviour as long as the status shows they are involved with someone.

Now a lot of conversations are posted on the sites for everyone to read, except personal messages of course, and when someone adds their view or states something inappropriate or just doesn't seem to fit into the other persons social circle; all hell can break loose. It seems everyone will jump on board to help criticize or pound the offender into the ground.

An example I saw would be where a girl uploaded a few photos of herself in a bikini. She looked great and her best "asset" was her fabulous breast and the cleavage. Now of course you'll get a few friends comment on them and that includes strangers that make semi decent ones as well. The thread was pretty long as she had a lot of friends(with assets like that who wouldn't), however, when one guy added a remark that he wish he could "bang" her, it became ugly. Suddenly one guy after another started to mention the guy's comment was inappropriate, not a nice thing to say, was an asshole, this and that. I'm sure you get the point.

Same thing similar happened also with a guy posting a pic of himself and comments that came in were good and bad. In his case other guys stated things like how he thought he was handsome, he was trying to attract another man's girlfriend and had no real substance and vulgarity became part of the whole thing. Even some girls added dislike to the guy and viciously voiced it in their comments. Oddly, a lot of them just weren't really interested in the string of comments but just threw their two cents worth to condemn the person.

Now the way I look at this is, firstly, it happens more so to singles that actual married people. So that tells me there are people looking for others and really trying to connect. Of course you have your perverts and hookers trying to see who, if they can, capitalize on any action. You also get some, actually plenty, of fake profiles but that doesn't stop them from making comments if they fancy or dislike someone. It seems people will say some weird stuff sometimes. Some want the attention and welcome everything and everybody just so they have a pile of friends that in real life falls short of how people truly perceive them.

I'm sure you've also seen things like this if you're in any of the social networks. Maybe you're one of the free for all condemning players as well. I think some guys tend to come to the "rescue" of the girls due to their own plan of trying to be Mr. Nice guy in the hopes of gaining favour in her eyes. They believe she will respond to them in a closer way, at least online for the start, and other possibilities in future. They also want other girls to see that they are a better person than others. This of course is the false front in their feeble attempt to become the "hero" in a situation where they are seen in a good light by everyone especially the girls.


Women also do this similarly but they are not as aggressive in their attempt but the ones that are not so good looking tend to make bolder statements in an attempt to shine more light on their intellect, conversational skills and trying to be more interesting so they can throw the guys scent off how their looks. In reality they are looking but modesty holds them back from really saying that the guy online is someone they will jump in the sack with, irregardless of their relationship status, but they can't and won't. Just leaving the thoughts of possibilities.

A lot of quarrels, squabbles and major break ups happen because of all this and everyone sees online and wants to be part of it, even if they make the problem happen in the first place. A lot of people are really to blame for the problem starting in the first place as a lot of them like the comments being made about themselves in photos and the flirting that takes place even though they know they are attached. Funny thing is, especially a for lot of girls when they do break up, will fully announce they are back looking, are free and available, back in the game, ready for a new beginning, on a fresh outlook at life and any other line they can think of to publicize their newly derived single status. Basically, they want the chase to begin again. Some sites, like Facebook, actually help make the announcement when you change anything on the page and that includes you status.

Bar Advice. Overall all these sites draw the good and the bad that happens in people's personal lives ......and we let it.

Returning With Love

I am returning with love and of course more advice to help others in need. It's been a while as I have been really busy doing affiliate and internet marketing. Doing business always takes a tole on people but I always say you have to leave time for some rest and relaxation.

But now I'm back to fill one gap of what I use to do and that's giving my two cents worth on relationship problems or any other issue that drives men and women crazy about each other or over each other. So the Unofficial Psychiatrist and Psychologist is back. The topic about returning with love is appropriate, not only for me and this blog but for a story of that nature.

I'll keep it brief as it's the first post in a long time. There's this girl I know who worked as a domestic helper and after her two years away working she returned home to find so many things changed at home. The son sold off crops from the field only to pocket some of the money for himself. The daughter asked for her to send money home at one point to buy medicine for her grandson but later it was discovered she wanted to buy a piece of jewelry that was on sale and a great price. Basically she lied about it as she thought the mother would refuse. 

Worse of all was this lady's own mother secretly sold of a portion of land that was left by her late father to her. Upon discovering all this, naturally being human, got really upset about this. Now here's the twist. She had won about twenty thousand from the local lottery just before returning home and wanted to share her winnings as a gift. Instead she bought back the land sold by her mother, bought her own jewelry and got her son to repaint the entire house with him buying the paint of course. Nobody argued and everyone was a little terrified for all their wrong doings. Except one. The grandson of her daughter.

This boy always made her laugh and smile when she called home. After three days of silence, beside speaking to the grandson only, she gathered everyone to a discussion. After venting a little anger still, she mentally stepped back and took a breath, then started a heart felt talk with them. She told them she was returning with love and joy only to find deceit and lies but although disappointed she forgave them, being a Christian, all because times are hard and the economy is bad. Plus, she added, she was blessed with a small fortune before her return and she showed them her bank account statement. They nearly fell to the floor.

She made them promise never to do all that again, gave them each a thousand and a week later returned to her work overseas. Till today, if any of them need anything, they ask. The story of their discussion at home is more in depth with religious aspects included but basically the message got through. Now she frets not about the home front especially the fact that her grandson will not learn such practices and pick it up from anyone at home. 

She divulged that she later sent more money home to buy additional land and added extension to the house. Looks like things are on the right track. So her story is ongoing and that is also going to be mine with this blog.

Bar advice. Sometimes even the people we think we know best can change. So, communicate constantly. 

Pause

I guess we all need a break so I'm in pause mode for now. Got some stuff to do, work to concentrate on and business to take care off. Will be back with more relationship issues, more advice and , YES!, more sex stuff to be included. Later!!

Bar advice. Wake up before it's too late!!


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Millionaire Society

Asking for help.

People often avoid asking for help for two reasons. Either they are embarrassed at needing assistance or they feel they can go it alone and succeed without others involvement. However, everyone needs help sometimes and knowing when, and how, to ask for it can save you time, headaches and a lot of emotional stress.

Whether it’s help to move house, start your new business or taking the kids for a weekend trip, the premise stays the same. Here are some tips to ask for help when you need it.

Release your need to be in control.

Often, we resist asking for help because we don’t want to loosen our grasp on the idea that we are in charge. As you release your need to be in control you realize that you can reach out for help when it is required and know when you can simply support yourself. Stop thinking that others will look down on you so you have to put this false front of being in control.

Let go of your negative feelings about seeking help.

As you let go, you discover that it is OK to ask for help, and it is OK to not ask for help; you feel like you have a choice and this makes it easier to do what is best for you. Why give energy to negative feelings or thoughts when you are in need of help. Use that energy to overcome the problem by asking for help. The faster you solve it the better you'll feel.

Talk about your problem directly.

You don’t need to make excuses or apologize. Simply explain the situation and the help you need. Sometimes simply allowing others to listen to you or be there for you is exactly what you need in the moment to break through emotionally or to solve a problem that has been plaguing you for a long time. People will have advice and maybe criticism about your problem but it's expected and normal when someone is about to help. They just have your interest at heart and don't want to see you in any, or the same, difficulties again.

For many people, the four letters are akin to a four-letter word, one that should never be uttered. HELP! Why do we have to shrug to open our mouth when in need? Most of us believe that we must be self-sufficient and that asking for help is somehow a sign of weakness or forces us to be vulnerable or dependent on others. This belief causes us to not reach out when we need to or when it is in our best interest.

Bar advice. The reason that there are others on this planet, is so we can help each other. We can't do it alone. Ask.

Letting go of past relationships

Just when you thought you were over it, you accidentally walk into the bar, club, restaurant, coffee shop or store where you once were together, in love. You were there together, before you had the talk about what you really wanted. Before the big fight. Before the reconciliation. Before the next big fight and then when you finally broke up for good.

Why do you wonder if you did the right thing? Why do you miss your ex? Why is closure so hard to close? As the saying goes, breaking up is hard to do. Letting go of past relationships and closure might be even harder to come by. Next time you face this dilemma, try these to finally let go.

Answers
What is really bugging you about the breakup? If you don't have some idea of what really happened to you, it's going to be a lot harder to move forward. Write out what this relationship was for you from the first day you met to the day you broke up. The universe supports loving relationships of equality. Was it an equal loving relationship? Did this person bring out the best (or worst) in you? Was this a sexual relationship, a fling or real attraction and love?

Advice
Ask the friends you trust, "What did you observe in my relationship?" Often the people who love us can see what we can't but they won't open up or give advice to you unless you ask. They don't want to hurt your feelings about your choice. It's so much easier to idealize the past than accept that your relationship had some real flaws that would have erupted over time. Sometimes the questions can be answered by meeting with your ex, but be careful! No sex with your ex or, you may be on different time lines of grief and it can be painful if it appears that your ex is "over it" and you're not. Your ex may also already be seeing someone else which may just make you feel like dog poop.

Reclaim Yourself
There's a reason that people sell the house when they get divorced. Shared space is intimate space. If your place looks like he just left for work ten minutes ago or her toothbrush is still hanging in the bathroom, you're wallowing. Buy new sheets. Paint, move furniture around or have a "newly single" house warming party. Your environment reflects your mind. If it's a shrine to a past relationship, how can you heal? It's not about denying your feelings. It's about letting your mind rest in your own home.

Forgiveness
Even if you can't forgive them, forgive yourself! Relationships don't fail. They change. You may not be ready to forgive your partner for any number of things (like cheating!), but you must forgive yourself. Letting go isn't possible without accepting and loving your own willingness to love. If you are waiting for your ex to say something you want to hear or just to return your DVDs, you're giving them power over your process. Stop empowering them over you. Forgiveness is hard but whether given to them or to yourself, you feed better energy than anger and feeling miserable.

Feelings
Resist the temptation to run out for a replacement person in the first few months. If someone told you their grandmother died, you wouldn't tell them to go out and get another grandma. You would give them all the time they needed to think about their relationship with their loved one and what it meant to them. The need to heal takes longer for some. Some put up false pretense of getting over someone quickly but they are hurting tremendously inside.

Grieving
Grieving is a process of going deeper into consciousness. Therefore, grieving the end of a relationship opens you up to a deeper experience in life. Pain is a necessary part of growth. Take a treasured object that represents your relationship and set it free. Perhaps you can donate a piece of jewelry you received to a charity, release a love letter or painting of you two into the ocean. By marking the end of this important person in your life, you are honoring the time you had together and you are honoring yourself for having the courage to love.

Bar advice. Letting go of past relationships only happens when you arrive at a place of rest and acceptance. It will come. Trust the process and experience your pain. It will conclude into clarity. It will lead to peace. Eventually.